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What To Do If She Is Interested In Someone Else? Should I Let Her Go?

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Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.

In today’s video, we’re gonna talk about what if you’re dating a woman but she’s interested in someone else. Let’s be real: Dating is a competition. Just like in the animal world, there are always multiple males who want to gain the attention of a woman. And sometimes the woman is going to choose a different male than you, of course. That’s how it is. So you always gotta be real with yourself and recognize that most likely, a woman especially, is going to have multiple choices. Just like with the animals, you gotta be the best choice or you will get rejected. And so if there’s another guy in the picture or maybe multiple guys in the pictures, sometimes it just happens that she starts dating someone else and that can, of course, be demotivating, especially when you’re still relatively young, or you don’t have that much experience with dating, or you lack security, and then you turn off women too quickly. But it’s a learning experience. And you gotta learn how to respond to these situations. And the reality is that you don’t have to do much. So I have a situation from a guy who’s exactly in this situation right now. And he doesn’t know what should he do right now. Can he actually reattract her? Should he play it cool? Wait? Still talk to her? What’s the best approach?

When She Lost Attraction For You: Make A Woman Want You Sexually Or She Will Find Someone Else

Hi coach, I have an attraction problem with a girl that I casually dated for a really short time, but now I think she is seeing someone else. I matched with this girl one and a half months ago, and after a week of talking, we went on our first date. We then went on one more date two weeks after, and we had been talking regularly on WhatsApp, but lately, she’s not talking much to me. Her replies are very short, and I don’t think that she has much attraction for me.

So the first thing that I can tell you in your message is that you haven’t seduced her. You didn’t have sex. So this has already been your second date. Now, I’m gonna give you a little bit of a background about me as a person. I used to be super shy, super insecure, kind of nerdy. I used to also get bullied in high school. I just didn’t have any game with women. I didn’t know how to have a girlfriend. I didn’t know how to talk to them. I didn’t know how to flirt. I didn’t have any sex appeal. A typical cliche kind of guy. And so back in the day, and even probably just five years ago, I would have thought it’s impossible to seduce a woman on the first date. Now, if I didn’t seduce her on the first date, that was almost like a failure. I will always try to go for that. On the second date, you should have seduced her for sure. I understand that not every guy knows how or has the confidence how to seduce a woman on the first date, and look, that is fine.

I’m obviously very experienced with this kind of stuff. Now I am very, let’s just say, very direct. I’m not too shy to go for it. I’m not too shy to show a woman that I want her. Not every guy knows how to do that, especially if you’re still young, or if you haven’t dated that many women. I understand it. But I can tell here it’s the second date and you haven’t seduced her yet. So maybe she has been seduced by some other guy and that’s why she then loses attraction for you. Because if you’re just WhatApp-ing, just texting, it gets kind of boring after some time. So you gotta be real with yourself: There are women who, for example, go to bars, or clubs, whatever you want to call it, and they hook up, and they meet some guy, maybe it’s not necessarily a hookup, or maybe it’s a more like they get to know a guy, and maybe it’s at a bar, maybe they don’t hook up yet, but maybe it at least becomes physically intimate. Then after a while they then date or they hook up. So women also like to have sex. That’s just something that you got to be aware of. And if you don’t seduce a woman, at some point, if it’s only the emotional needs you fulfill, it’s not exciting. There’s no thrill! Guess what? Women also want the forbidden sex. Women also want the nasty lifestyle. Women also want to have a little bit of excitement in their life. And you gotta give it to her or she will just walk away at some point.

I Saw Her With Another Guy: When A Girl Is No Longer Interested In You What Do You Do?

She never rejected me directly, just basically low interest, and not texting much, but the main reason why I can tell that she’s not into me is that she is still on Tinder and I saw her active status on my friends’ Tinder, so I guess she’s still swiping. I actually saw her last weekend with some guy at a club.

Well, first of all, you should always assume that if you’re not exclusive, if you’ve only been dating for a few weeks, or if you’ve only gone on one or two dates, she’s definitely still on Tinder because she has no reason to delete her Tinder, unless she knows clearly that she wants to be in a relationship. But she’s not yet sure how to ask for it. She thinks it’s too soon. Or she just knows next week we’re gonna be in a relationship. Where she knows “I want to be in a relationship right now, in the next few days I hope I’m gonna ask him. I’m gonna find the courage to ask him.” …

Then she’s gonna delete her Tinder. But before she’s sure about you, she has no reason to delete her Tinder. And quite frankly, most women don’t even delete their Tinder. They just leave it on there. They maybe uninstall it, but they keep their account. So they can always come back to hundreds of messages. If things don’t work out, she can always just open / install Tinder again and she’s back in the game, basically. So don’t worry about that. That is pretty normal. And you say that you saw her with some guy at a club.

She Is Not Chasing Me Anymore: She’s Attracted To Someone Else But Still Talking To You

I don’t think that she saw me because it was quite packed and dark. So I think that she’s seeing this guy and that’s probably why she’s not very attracted to me.

Yeah, that’s right. Good self-awareness.

Now, the question is what should I do? She hasn’t rejected me. We’re technically still talking, although most of the time, it’s me who’s initiating the conversation. She hasn’t been the one messaging me first for over a week. So maybe she’s getting more intimate with that guy.

For sure, she’s getting intimate with that guy, or she’s thinking about it. You should not initiate the messages. There’s no point in talking to her if she has no attraction for you. It’s just waste of time. It reminds me of this guy actually like a few years ago… I worked at a company in the Philippines. A very good, well-funded startup, and prestigious startup. And there was a young kid, a student, and he wanted to work for this company, and he always sent emails and stuff like that to the CEO, trying to say “Hey, I want to work for you. I want to meet you guys,” this kind of stuff. And the CEO thought that this guy was kind of really awkward and he didn’t want to work with this guy. But he would keep on sending him messages. Guess what happened? This guy never got any internships. He never got any job. Of course not because. He was too persistent. That felt awkward. It’s the same thing with a woman. If you just keep on being persistent when she’s currently not into you, that’s not gonna work out.

Should You Fight For Her: How To Compete With Other Guys For A Girl — Or Is It Pointless?

Should I just let it go and accept that I won’t have a shot with her? Or do I keep talking to her in the hopes that things don’t work out with the guy, so then when that happens, we are still in touch, and then I’ll eventually probably see when she’s more into me again, and that’s when I make my move? I really think that we had some good chemistry. We have a very similar kind of humor. I’m not sure if I did something wrong with her or if it’s just pure coincidence, randomness. Maybe I should mention that the other guy looked attractive. I don’t know his name or what he does, but he is taller and more muscular than me. So that’s also something that’s making me feel uncertain about me having any chance to date her again in the future.

Yeah, fuck it! Who cares if he’s more muscular and all that stuff?! First of all, you can work on that, and that’s not going to matter to her long term. This is going to matter to her in the short term with the excitement for sure, but this won’t have an impact long term, because it’s ultimately long-term about a lot of emotional attachment. The problem is a lot of guys don’t realize that in the beginning, it’s actually a lot about the sexual attachment or sexual attraction. And so often, it’s kind of reverse. So in the long term, she’s gonna care about the emotional attachment with this guy, and maybe there is none, and one thing about the whole pulling away scenario when a woman is not into you, is, it actually does one good thing when you pull away and you don’t talk to her… Because right now you’re talking to her. So you should not talk to her. Leave her alone. Pull away. Don’t message her. Wait for her to message you. Why is that so effective? Well, first of all, it just does something with her psychologically to want to reach out to you, that’s one thing. But the other reason why that is really helpful is because imagine if you are staying in touch with her, you message her every now and then, you’re still kind of like friends, but there’s no commitment. She knows that she can easily message you.

When that is not the case, when it is a little bit scarier for her to message you, you know that when she does that, it took commitment. That took courage. That shows you that she’s really willing to make this work. There’s definitely more attraction or more interest to try to make it work one more time. If she hasn’t talked to you for like, let’s say, for example, three months, yeah, it’s kind of scary for a woman to then say “Hi” and message you again, right? So that shows you that there’s more commitment. So that’s one good reason why you shouldn’t message her. And also, just don’t worry about the other guy. Whatever. This guy could be gone in two weeks. It really doesn’t matter so who the fuck cares about some other guy. I know I said, in the beginning, it’s a competition. Dating. And yes, that’s true, but the way how you win is if you don’t see any other guys as competition, because we are not doing wrestling here. We’re not monkeys trying to beat the other monkey up. No, your strength is your confidence. So you gotta show her that you are confident. You don’t care if she’s gonna run away. You’re gonna find another female monkey.

Seeing Her With Another Guy: What To Do If You Run Into Her And The Guy She Likes

Oh, and also, I have not mentioned this yet. We work in the same city. Very nearby, actually. We both work in the same business district. Our offices are literally just one block away from each other and although unlikely, there’s even the chance that I could run into her during lunch breaks if we eat at the same place. Or worse, what if I run into her with that guy in her arms? It might be kind of awkward and I don’t know how I’d react to that. I don’t think I’d feel okay seeing her with that guy, and maybe even talking to her when I do. So if you have any idea what I could do to build up attraction again, please don’t hesitate to give me some advice on what you think I did wrong.

Yes, I already told you… The problem was basically that you most likely didn’t seduce her. And that essentially turned her off. And then there was some other guy… Well, it didn’t necessarily turn her off yet, but there was maybe some guy who did turn her on. That’s the problem. Now, you should not be worried about running into her, and quite frankly, it’s actually a good opportunity, because if you run into her and you show her that you don’t give any shits, you just don’t give a fuck about the fact that you see her, and you’re not insecure, you’re like “Hey, was nice seeing you. Have a great day,” that’s perfect, honestly! And even if you run into her and, for example, let’s say for some reason you end up in the same lunch place, maybe like a food court, I don’t know, or whatever. And you have a conversation with her. Maybe even sit down for lunch…. That shows her that you don’t care. You’re okay to see her again. It doesn’t bother you and she might think “Wow, it doesn’t bother him. Is he dating someone else?” … That’s actually a good thing.

And also, if you run into the guy, if that guy maybe feels insecure and might feel threatened by this because you’re really chill, maybe he knows that you’ve been dating, maybe he has a feeling that there’s something going on. He’s like “Who’s this guy?!” that could also play in your favor because what if that guy then becomes insecure. So you shouldn’t see this guy as competition when you run into her. It’s not a big deal. You just say hi, have a normal conversation, and you gotta, of course, feel okay with that. Now, I think you haven’t really been in a relationship, so you should be okay with that. It’s not like she’s your ex. So you should be relatively detached from her and if you’re not, then you should ask yourself why are you not detached enough from this? If you’re not, probably you should be dating, meet some other women, and whether this goes somewhere with these women or not, at least you’re a bit more detached.

So for example, if you run into her, it’s nice you to have a quick catch up maybe for a few minutes, and then you’re like “Hey, I gotta go. I gotta go back to the office,” or something like that. That way, she can tell that you’re confident, that you don’t care too much, and that is attractive. And then hopefully, if the other guy is a bit too insecure, that might also play in your favor. So that’s my advice for you. Next time, definitely, you got to seduce her. You gotta have sex. That’s how you end up in relationships. That’s how you end up meeting up more often, and yeah, it just works. A girl that I hooked up with a few years back in Jakarta, she’s super hot, she’s a model, and she’s an influencer, she just messaged me. She’s going to visit me soon and sex always works. That’s just my guarantee to you. So I’ll leave it with that. I’m going gonna have a good time soon, and yeah, let me know what you think in the comments. Give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and never forget to unleash the king within.

by | Jul 28, 2022 | Dating & Attraction

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Hi, I’m Andy Graziosi. I help men unleash their confidence and reach their fullest potential. My science-backed philosophy is: “The king is already a winner.” — Amazing women are already attracted to you. All a king has to do is use this attraction to his advantage.

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