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Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In today’s video, we’re going to talk about seducing a woman on the first date or how the guy in this message calls it: Smashing on the first date! Can you actually get it done? So I have a message from a young guy who is, I believe, if I remember correctly, 22, and he wants to hook up a little bit. He wants to explore. He wants to learn how to seduce women. He has been a little bit shy in the past, not too successful, often getting rejected. And so now he’s like, “I’m done with this shit! And I’m just going to try to first get some experience in the bedroom and then get back to relationships.” And he’s basically like, “OK, I’m going to become a player.” He wants to become a player right now.
First Date Sex: Should You Seduce Her On The First Date? Should You Have Sex On The First Date?
I’ll get into this in a moment. What is my opinion about this? My opinion about being a player has actually changed quite a bit in the actually, probably last year. But I’ll get into this in a moment. Can you actually smash on the first date? Can you seduce a woman on the first date? And this is a lot about balance. Are you very aggressive? Are you very passive? Obviously, when you’re passive, you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to understand that if you’re super passive, if you’re kind of like a beta male, you’re never going to seduce a woman. You’re not going to have sex with one on the first date. If you are very weak, needy or very insecure, you don’t make a move, obviously. But making a move and being aggressive, it requires some balance. You need to find the right balance with the kind of woman that you’re actually dating. So let’s see what is my advice for him.
Hey, coach, I need your thoughts on how to improve my first date with girls. Now, mind you, I know that a lot of your content is about breakups or relationships. But right now, I think I just want to explore a bit. I’m still very young, 22, and I’m kind of sick of getting ignored, or used, or being rejected by girls. I had my fair share of dating failures. And so now I think it’s best for me to just learn how to hook up with girls, to build up my confidence. I still want a relationship, but I think I want that to follow.
Now, I don’t actually think there’s anything wrong with that. I do think that your approach is somewhat correct, but not 100%. I am not a big advocate anymore of hooking up and having that many sexual relationships with women because it’s quite meaningless. It doesn’t lead to anything. And you kind of make yourself detached from actual real human connection. I understand you want to explore. That’s fine. Just make sure that you don’t stack up a crazy amount of number of women, because everyone is telling you always, yeah, you should become a player and you should have 10 different women, or 20 different women.
But I can guarantee you the more women you have, the harder it becomes for you to be in a proper healthy relationship. So, build up your confidence, learn how to seduce women, for sure. But once you have some basic skills, once you’re confident around the way how you interact with women and you know that if you meet a woman, if she’s roughly into you, if she has some attraction for you, you know that you can seduce her. Maybe not during the first date, but maybe the second date. Once you build up those skills, I would start looking for a girlfriend to date long-term. But obviously, you want to hook up a little bit and that’s fine. Like I say, just be a little bit careful here.
Finding The Right Balance Of Aggression: How To Gracefully Seduce A Woman On The First Date
So I’ve been going on three dates so far and basically with the goal to shift the outcome. So far, honestly, I have mostly just been strung along by girls until things fizzle out and they disappear. So I have been trying to figure out how to just be more aggressive on the first date, but I haven’t cracked the code yet. I try to be more direct with touching the girls I’m going on dates with, showing that I am confident, but that hasn’t really worked out for me.
Well, so that’s why I said, the balance depends a lot on the girl that you’re going out with on a date. Let me give you a good example. Right now, I live in Ubud. Ubud is like… It typically often gets joked as the spiritual area of Bali. And it’s very true that you have crazy people here. But Ubud here is very laid back, very old school, a very provincial area. And the girls here are very untouched, very conservative. They’re very sweet, basically. They’re absolute wife-materials. You can’t seduce a girl like that on the first date. But I can guarantee you if I drive 20 kilometers down, maybe it’s 15 kilometers down to Kuta, or Seminyak, all the city part, where all the bars are, all the clubs are, all the crazy shit is happening. I could seduce most girls there on the first date. Not all of them, but many. But it basically depends on the girl that you’re seducing.
So if you are matching with a girl that is a bit more shy and a bit more traditional, no amount of aggressiveness is ever going to work with a woman like that. Quite the opposite, actually. If you’re too aggressive with a woman like this on the first date, she will just completely disappear. She will be like: “This is too much for me. I don’t like this!” I actually met some girls here in Bali who are just already offended or are not OK with too much aggressiveness, even when I’m not very aggressive already by default. I’m a pretty balanced guy. And there are girls here that I meet that for them, that’s too much already. Now, you’re probably not living in Asia where it’s very conservative or a bit more conservative for the girls, at least. But you get the idea. It depends on the girl. If you meet a girl, if you match with a girl who generally hooks up a lot and it’s just normal for her to have a lot of sexual partners, then that aggressiveness might work a lot easier. Mind you, though, that girl will definitely not be relationship material.
That’s why I meant that you got to be careful with hookups, just because you can seduce a girl on the first date doesn’t mean that you should, because most likely if she is the kind of girl that you can seduce on the first date, she might be not really relationship material. Is every woman who you can seduce on the first date not relationship material? No, of course not. If you have really high seduction skills, you can seduce really great women on the first date, but it doesn’t work with every girl. Now, anyway, let’s see, you say about aggressiveness, right? You want to crack the code. You said that you’ve been trying to touch them a little bit more, trying to show them that you’re confident, right? Like you’re not afraid to get into their personal space.
Ace Your First Date: How To Have Fun On The First Date & How To Turn Her On During The First Date
That’s great. However, again, it depends on the girl and also how attracted she is to you in the moment, you always need to wait for her to initiate the first touch. And she needs to feel comfortable around you. Once she initiates touching with you, once she shows you, “Hey, I like you, and that’s why I’m touching you,” then you can touch back! And even then, I wouldn’t be too aggressive. I said you can try to be very aggressive with a chick if she likes to have sex, if she is naughty, if she likes to just hook up and meet some guys and do something that is a little bit more shallow on the surface that will work with that kind of woman, for sure. But typically, I would always ease into it. One problem that I’m seeing with you is that you’re probably trying to think too much with the end in mind. That’s a big problem that a lot of guys actually have when they try to seduce a woman, or try to get girlfriends, or get a girl interested in general. They always think with the end in mind, right? And you know, you want to… In this case, you want to hook up with her. I get it. I get it. But you can’t just think, “OK, I’m here. We just met. We’re on the date and I want to be here. Hook up. I want to be in the bedroom with her and be fucking her.” Well, you have to be taking multiple steps to get there, typically. Right. And so what most guys say or think is: “OK, I’m here. I’m going to take one step and I hooked up.” No, no, no. You have to always just look at the first step right in front of you that she’s presenting to you. The things that she’s opening up towards you.
So for example, at the beginning, she’s bantering. She’s laughing. Right. I think you’re at that stage already. Now, you make her laugh. And then eventually she touches you. OK, now you see the next step. Now I can touch her back. Now. OK, what’s the next step after that? OK, she’s touching me. I’m touching her. Maybe I’m now sitting next to her or we’re kind… We’re close to each other. I’m kind of hugging her, having some more fun with her. Ok, what’s the next step after that? Maybe give her a kiss or make out. What’s the next step after that? Holding hands, maybe or before that is the next step to hold hands. Depends on what happens. Sometimes you have one order, sometimes another. Who the fuck cares? You get the idea. You slowly go from one goal to the next goal. You don’t just go to hook up, right? You have to build up slowly until she gets really turned on. The more comfortable she feels, the more she’s going to allow you to do.
And obviously, if you’re at zero or if she’s at, let’s call it an “allowance” of 10%, at this point, she barely lets you touch her, which we can see didn’t work for you… Then nothing happens! It’s not going to flow. But if she’s already at 80%, she really likes it. She’s going to let you escalate more and more. It’s like an exponential curve. A woman’s readiness is basically like an exponential curve. In the beginning, it’s very low and you have to ease into it. And then the more you turn her on, the more she’s comfortable around you. It’s going to explode at some point! And she literally wants you to fuck her. And so that’s why we have to be really careful. And that’s why I also think that even with a very conservative woman, often you can seduce her, probably not in the first date, sometimes, but it’s quite rare. Maybe if she had a lot of alcohol, then it might be possible. But, you basically have to get to that point where she hits that horniness climax where she’s so high already that, at that point, she’s like, “My God!I This guy is fucking amazing. You know what? He is confident. He seems really nice. He’s fun. I’ll let him do whatever he wants.” But you’re not at that stage yet. You go too fast, basically. You’re a bit too aggressive and that’s why you haven’t cracked the code. Now, anyway, let’s continue.
The Art Of Seduction & Escalation: Taking The Right Seduction Steps To Escalate On A Date
Typically, when I try to initiate some sexual chemistry, it tends to backfire and then the date gets stale, as in the girls become more reserved rather than less reserved. I thought going more confidently for a girl might be attractive, but I guess I have roughly achieved the opposite so far. But at the same time, that passive approach has never worked for me. So I know I need to somehow tweak my approach, but I am 100% sure my passive dating approach from the past will never, ever help me to seduce a girl.
That’s correct! Your passive approach obviously will never help you to seduce a girl. Yes, sometimes you can be a shy passive guy and you can have sex with a girl, but then it takes multiple dates and you like each other and then eventually the chemistry builds up and then eventually you find the courage to hook up, or maybe be in a relationship, or date and have sex, and then it gets to a relationship. It can work for a passive approach, but it doesn’t give you fast results, typically. But there’s nothing wrong with that more passive approach. If you want to go for that, if you don’t care about achieving a number of women that you want to date, are getting to the sex phase fast, whatever, then that’s fine. It’s OK. For example, as I said, here in Ubud, the girls are very conservative, a bit reserved. I honestly don’t care if I would need three dates to have sex with them. I wouldn’t even care if I would need five because they’re just a little bit different here. And who cares if the end result is having a great girlfriend that I like and to have amazing sex with really hot girls here. Why would it matter? But you can also be a bit more aggressive. But the problem is you said that you try to initiate some sexual chemistry. You cannot initiate sexual chemistry. You just can’t. It has to be there.
And typically women are the ones who choose. If she feels that there is some sexual chemistry, she will allow you to come into her world. She will slowly open the floodgates and eventually the floodgates get so big that she becomes very wet and then she allows you to touch her more and more. And then eventually she says, “OK, well, fuck this guy.” And if you then push for it, you know, not too aggressively, but you can be sometimes aggressive, she will want it. But you can’t initiate sexual chemistry. It has to build up. It has to be there already. She knows that it’s there. She knows that she likes you. And then she gives you some signal that she wants you. And then you basically respond to her initiation. So, even if you’re super alpha, even if you’re a total pro at seduction, rarely do you just immediately smash. You want to smash on the first day, but you don’t smash your way into that pussy. That’s not how it goes. You slowly walk towards that pussy.
What’s that analogy LOL. You get the idea. You know, she gives you a sign that she wants it. And then you make the first move. Like I said earlier, one step, one step, one step, one more step until the chemistry explodes and she wants it. Have you ever… Well, you’re still young, so I don’t know about you, but maybe some other guys who are watching… You might know that when you are seducing a girl, you’re in the bedroom, or wherever you are, on the couch… I don’t give a shit. And you’re taking off her clothes. And if you’re smart, then you first go for oral. You basically play with her clitoris a little bit. Girl’s go crazy for that! If you’ve ever been doing oral with a girl and you basically take your sweet time, you don’t just fuck her. You literally do not fuck her until she begs you to fuck her. Anyone who’s ever done that, you know that feeling how the girls go crazy when you do that, when you just not initiate. Most guys will just want to get right in there and make out a little bit. No foreplay and then just bang them. But that’s boring.
It is typically not very… That’s just not romantic. It’s not the right word, but there’s not a lot of attachment. It’s much nicer when you can see that the girl is enjoying it, and she’s easing into everything. And so if you’ve ever done that, where you slowly build up the tension, sexual tension or sexual chemistry, like you say, and you basically lick her pussy and her clitoris and play with her a little bit and she fucking moans like crazy and she loves it. And then over time as you keep on doing it and she loves it so much! Maybe you make her come, maybe not. But typically, what happens is they will go fucking crazy. And they will beg you to put it in them. That’s basically where you have to be also with a normal date. It’s like so comfortable, so exciting. It feels so good that they will beg you to have sex with them. Right. And so you can’t force that. You have to slowly build it up as they get horny, and hornier, and like you more, feel more comfortable. They will eventually ask you, almost beg you to do it. They will literally get closer, and closer to you. You don’t even have to do anything. So you have to basically take your sweet time. Now, anyway, so I hope I don’t get demonetized for this analogy with the oral sex. I don’t know. YouTube typically won’t allow you to make these references. Let’s see.
Make Her Want You: How To Take Her Home After A Date And Smash On The First Date
I haven’t been able to make out with a girl on the first date, let alone take her home with me. So I’m not sure if they are not into me enough or is it even possible to take a girl home on the first date? What’s the secret to smash on the first date? I actually have not really figured out how to ask a girl to do with the deed, a.k.a. going home with you. I hope you can give me some pointers. Thanks, coach.
Yes, it’s definitely possible to smash on the first date. As I said, it depends a little bit on the girl. If she’s too conservative, very, very unlikely. Unless she’s very drunk. One thing that you should probably do is, you haven’t figured out how to take them home. I mean, if you want to take them home, you typically just say something like, “Hey, let’s let’s grab a bottle of wine. Let’s go to my place. I have a great bottle of wine there. And let’s let’s empty that bottle of wine.” Or even better, you can say, “Hey, I just bought this really expensive wine.” Something like that. Something that is an experience to make it a little bit more special. And you say, “It’s a super expensive wine. And I heard that it really tastes good! Let’s try it out!” She might be curious. That’s one thing. You just say something subtle. You obviously don’t say, “Hey, you want to come to my place to fuck?” No, you don’t say that. You make up an excuse for why she comes to your place like a bottle of wine. But let’s not even get there yet.
One thing that I typically always do on dates is: You have to build up that sexual chemistry. It builds up over time. So you need time. Sometimes, it’s a good idea to not just take girl on one place on a date. Right. So if you go to… Hmmm, not a bar, but let’s say you’re going on a dinner date. Right. You’re having a great dinner date. Maybe you have one beer or wine there. It’s good chemistry. You like each other, roughly. But she’s not really willing to go home with you yet. Maybe she hasn’t even started touching you yet. You know what you should not do? First of all, you should not try to be aggressive and try to push for it if she’s clearly not ready for it. Nor should you just give up and already go home and say, “OK, I’m going to call it a night. I guess I don’t know how to take her home with me. So I guess that’s it.” No. What you should do is take her to some other place. So, for example,, if you go to some bar not a bar, like a dinner place, right?
Building Up Anticipation On A Date: Take Her On An Unforgettable Fun Experience On A Date
I’m just thinking back when I was living in the Philippines, for example, I was living in a city called Pasig City for a while. And there’s a lot of bars in that small area, with restaurants and all that stuff. I took a girl once on a date there. We first actually had like a fun activity date. And after that, I took her to a bar. Then I seduced her. Now, basically, you want to make sure that you have multiple touchpoints where you can have some fun, where she decides, “OK, I really like this. It’s actually really nice. I expected this date to be kind of boring or just like a small dinner date. And it’s always the same. But this guy, he’s now taking me to something else.” So if you’re having a dinner date and you had some great food, a lot of girls might expect if they’re not ready to go home with you, they might expect that the date is over now. But if you then instead take her to something else, go for a walk. And like I said, for example, I was living there in the Philippines in Pasig City. You could go for a walk for literally five minutes, 10 minutes. And there are so many places where you’d be like, “Hey, you want to check out that place? You want to go there? You want to have a beer here? Or you want to have some shisha?”
You make up something, you make up a new experience or you bring her to a fun stuff like Billiard. I like playing Billiard, pool with girls. It’s just fun for me. My competitive nature as a German, I suppose. And I know my name sounds Italian, but I actually grew up in Germany. And I like to play pool with girls. It’s fun. And you can make silly bets, be a little bit naughty about it and tease them a little bit, something like that. That’s kind of my style. I like these kind of games. So, a fun experience to take the girl to after the initial date. Right. And so then you build up more chemistry or… Like the date that I mentioned before, at first we had an activity, then we went out drinking. Right. So you can mix it up. But the point is, don’t just give up right away. She’s not ready yet. For example, she hasn’t touched you and she’s clearly not ready for it at all. But maybe she starts touching you during the second part of the date.
You had your first dinner, you had the food, but, she might not really touch you at the dinner place. She might be too conservative or she doesn’t want to be looking like a hoe, basically. But maybe you go to a more casual bar, or whatever, or more of a casual place. And then she likes to start… She starts to touch you and she’s feeling more comfortable. Then you can slowly touch her more and, again, make her more comfortable, more fun, more jokes, more banter. And then eventually either you try to take her to another place. But it really depends on where you’re at and what you did. That might be too much to be fair, honestly, sometimes. But then you can suggest, “Hey, this was so fun. You want to…” Maybe you had two things that happened on the date and then say: “This was so fun. You want to go to my place? I have an awesome bottle of wine there. I’ve never tried it. It is very expensive. And I want to know what it tastes. You want to try it with me?” So you make up an excuse once, you can feel that she’s comfortable for you and that she’s comfortable to go home with you. Or at least you have an inkling that she might be comfortable for you. So aggressiveness only works if you’re dating a complete hoe. Honestly, you could just take her out for dinner. You treat her to dinner. And if she just wants to fuck, she wants to fuck. That’s the reality. ,
But the reality is if you want to be with a woman who’s not so, let’s just say, promiscuous, she’s not that easy to get. Unless you’re super freaking hot, it’s probably not going to happen on the first try. You either have to take her somewhere else still on the same date or you just got to accept that it’s not going to work out. You need to have something that draws them to you. Either you’re super hot, you’re super fit, you are very muscular or you have something that’s really exciting about you. So, for example, when I was living in the Philippines, the thing that was going for me was I was quite famous, actually. I basically was the number one product manager in the country. I was very famous in the startup industry. I did a lot of events. People called me a rock star. I won two startup competitions in the Philippines. People knew me, I was somebody, basically. Right. That’s what I had going for me. Like, “Wow, this guy is a leader!”
And now I’m in Indonesia. And I am building something new. Now I’m building my new social status. So I’m trying to figure out, OK, how can I become somebody in Indonesia now? Right. Yes, I get. Girls here find me a bit hotter, because I’m exotic, essentially. But I’m still thinking about, OK, how can it elevate myself? So that when I go on a date with a girl, I’m automatically more attractive to them because of something that I’m doing that they find inspiring about me. So you got to think, are you actually on… The first look, if a girl sees you the first 10 minutes that you talk with her on the date, does she think that you’re a smoking hot because you hit the gym like crazy? That’s one way to do it, quite frankly. Or the second way, is there something exciting about you? Are you making a lot of money? Do you have an interesting job or rather are you a leader in your job? Are you well-respected? Like, for example, every chick wants to date a doctor. It’s sexy. It’s a man of status. There’s no chick who wouldn’t date… OK, there are some chicks who wouldn’t date a doctor, but you get the idea. If a girl knows that you’re a doctor, she’s automatically just getting wet.
So you get the point, right? With some women you need to meet their criteria unless they’re very promiscuous, to fuck them on the first date. And if you don’t meet that criteria, you need to ease into it. You need to slowly build up to it. So you got to take it slow. You can’t always be at light speed. It just doesn’t always work. Yes, you can definitely smash on the first date, but like I said, it depends on the girl and typically the girls who let you do it on the first date… I don’t know the percentage. There’s no data on that, but I would suggest that probably at least 50% of the girls who will hook up with you in the first date, they’re not the kind of girls that you want to date long-term. So just be aware of that. All right. So, you might be matching with the wrong girls, basically on Tinder or on Bumble on dating apps as well. So that’s something to consider as well. Are you just swiping the wrong girls? All right. So that’s my advice for you. Let me know in the comments what you think. Give me a thumbs up. Subscribe to the channel, and never forget to unleash the king within.