Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In today’s video, we’re gonna talk about what to do if a woman asks for space. And this is kind of a different context. You might expect that a woman asks you for space if you’ve been dating for a long time. You’ve probably been a couple already. You’ve been in a relationship. She’s basically your ex and she’s asking for space, aka: “I don’t want to be with you and I’m just using the most pleasant way of saying I want to break up and I don’t want to spend time with you.” But what if you’ve been dating a woman and it’s relatively new, and then she gives you that line? Maybe you haven’t even been a proper couple yet. What do you do? So let’s see what is my advice. I have a message from a guy and he has been turning off a woman who has been not really his girlfriend. She’s been dating him casually. So let’s see what is my advice for his situation.
Hi coach, I’m hopeful that you make a video about this because I can’t afford any coaching sessions right now.
Yeah, so by the way, if you can’t afford coaching sessions, then you should do exactly what he did. Send me an email. You can go through one of the links in my descriptions or in the video. There is also always a link… I think the link is videohelp.andygraziosi.com … and then you just send me your situation and I will make a video anonymously about your situation.
We Only Dated For 3 Months: She Wants Space And Time After I Was Insecure
I need your advice about what to do when dating a girl and then fucking up, being too insecure, and then pushing her away to the point where she asks for space. I know you already have videos about this with an ex but she’s technically not my ex. I mean we just dated a bit. I would not say that we were an official and serious couple yet.
So the too long didn’t read response here if there would be no other context, you would treat it like just any normal woman that you’ve dated for a short term, or maybe you’ve only talked with her on a dating app for a short while. You would give her the space. You would pull back and then maybe she comes back. If she comes back, you set up some new dates, and then you hook up again. And you gotta give her some time, of course. She needs to warm up to you. And that’s how you would, on average, do it, but you have a bit of more complicated situations. So let’s see.
We Liked Each Other: When She’s Totally Into You And You’re Driving Her Crazy Over Text
So here’s what happened. About five months ago, I Valentina through a dating app. Pretty standard stuff. We started talking and for the first two weeks, we actually didn’t meet up, because we matched when I was in our city. We live about three miles away from each other. So for about two weeks we were just chatting and everything was good. So the connection was definitely there.
So one thing that you have to recognize, by the way, because this is gonna be relevant for this video, for the situation later on, is the reason why this worked so well, was because you were living in a different city, right? And you couldn’t see each other. So you basically built up anticipation and she can’t wait to see you, so then of course, when she can’t wait to see you, then you finally meet up, of course, it’s gonna be a really great date. You gotta build up anticipation, also in dating, in general, until at some point the anticipation is so great that she wants to be in a relationship with you. Because when the anticipation is so high and she can’t wait to be with you and she can’t wait to be in a relationship with you, or to move in with you, that’s when it is easy. You just basically suggest it or she’s going to suggest it most likely. And you shouldn’t suggest it. That was wrong. Sometimes you can suggest it, but 90% of the time, you just wait for her. You can tell that she wants it and she’s gonna bring it up eventually. So it’s all about that anticipation.
Now if you could feel that she’s really into you and she really likes the thought, she would like the thought, then it would be okay to suggest it yourself. The problem is that sometimes you think that your anticipation, your emotions, the way how you feel are exactly how she feels about you. But this has been studied in research that women and men are different and how fast they actually attach, how fast they want to move in together, and how fast they want to actually be a couple, how fast they want to say that they are in love with each other. And so you got to be careful. You can’t expect what you’re feeling as a man is the same thing that a woman will feel. So that’s why it’s typically better to wait for the woman to suggest it, because that’s just the safer approach.
Casually Dating Her: When To Ask A Girl To Move In With You — Don’t Do It Too Soon
It never felt forced, unnatural, or anything like that. Our dates were fun, and we got closer really fast. So we were basically casually dating and we then saw each other pretty much almost every weekend, and she was really into me. We started having sex and it really felt like we were a couple. The problem is that I pushed for a relationship too fast. Technically, I didn’t push for a relationship but I asked her if she wanted to move in together. That was after four months of knowing each other. We were sleeping with each other for about two months since then.
So you basically used anticipation. You got to sex really quickly. She must have really loved that. The problem is then you pushed for it too fast, most likely. She got the opportunity to choose the pace by herself until then. You’ve been talking, she likes it, then most likely, you can tell maybe you suggested to meet up, but she gave you probably some signs. She chooses the pace. When she’s ready she meets up. Then after meeting up, she chooses the pace again. She says now I am willing to meet up and have sex with you, right. So on the second date, on the third date, she makes the decision. She chooses. Women chose. She then makes the decision when to actually hook up. So then anticipation builds up. She wants to have sex.
So now, again, you would have to build up the anticipation for actually moving in together, and she would again do the choosing. Women always do the choosing. That’s for the initial attraction, that’s for the sex, that’s also for moving in together or being in a relationship, but you basically didn’t let her choose. You pushed her and as soon as you push her, she has no choice. I mean, basically, she can, of course, choose to move in with you, but if she doesn’t want that, then she has no choice. She knows she has to say no and basically, she’s forced into a situation that she doesn’t want. If she says yes then she’s not gonna be happy with it. If she says no she’s gonna be disappointed, or not disappointed but she’s gonna feel like shit because she’s rejecting you. So there’s no win situation for her. Either way, it’s gonna be a loss. It’s gonna make her feel uncomfortable and that’s why this is now going to turn to shit. So let’s see what you say.
Stop Acting Like A Beta Male: Don’t Freak Out When She Is Not Ready To Move In Together
I don’t know why I asked her that back then. It was too rushed. I was too excited about her and I was too much in love with her. I didn’t think this through. I was acting too much from my emotions and she said that she thought that it was too soon and that she wanted to get to know me better first. That wasn’t where things had really turned bad yet. She didn’t say anything like let’s just be friends or whatever. She basically just said that she wanted to take things slowly and I accepted it in that moment, but I guess something triggered in me when she said no, and I became insecure with her and started acting very beta male-ish around her.
So before I continue, yeah okay, so you started acting beta male-ish. Now, of course, that is going to turn her off, but the question is… You say that you don’t know why you told that to her. Why did you ask her? The problem is you were too much in love with her and you said this at the beginning of the message that it felt like you were a couple. So you were basically projecting too much of your emotions onto her. It’s just as I said: You expected that your emotions are exactly hers. Of course, that is not the case. Now, I know, in today’s culture, moving in together seems like it’s not really a big step, right… So these days, we have sex before marriage. We move in before marriage. And kids these days, they’re starting to have sex at younger and younger ages. But if you think about it, this is actually a big step for a woman because… Okay, you’re talking, then you have sex, probably, or maybe you aren’t. You’re in a relationship first, then you’re moving in. What comes after moving in? It’s probably either children, or having a house together, or getting married.
So each stepping stone that you have with a relationship builds up to more commitment, to more responsibility. For a woman that is a lot because let’s be real, for men, if you have children, for example, you could run away. A lot of guys they just ditch women who are pregnant. For a woman though, if she gets pregnant that is a huge step. Building a family is a huge step. And let’s be real: Moving in together, making it official, that is a big step towards having a family, towards all their responsibility. And that’s why women choose carefully. That’s why we need a little bit more time to warm up. And so that’s why then you thought okay, everything’s fine. We are like a couple. Let’s do this. Let’s move in together. But she wasn’t quite there yet because subconsciously it has a lot more responsibility attached to it.
Because when a woman moves in with a guy, she knows subconsciously, okay, right now we’re just moving in together, but now we’re making this official. So what’s going to be next? So I’m not saying that she’s thinking babies right away. Of course not. But she knows subconsciously we’re getting closer. We’re becoming a real couple. And every woman, most women, not everyone, but most women they want to have a family. It’s part of their dream. They would love to have children. They love relationships. They love children. They love to be nurturing. And so subconsciously, she wants this to happen, of course, in the future. So she has to be really careful with this choice. And so yeah, your pushing too soon was basically a turn off for her, because she wasn’t really sure about it yet. And maybe she didn’t know why she wasn’t sure about it, but this is basically part of the reason. Now, the problem is that you say you started acting very beta male-ish.
She Is Being Distant: She Wants To Focus On Herself And She Asked Me For Space To Be Friends
I started to look for approval from her and that turned her off a lot, and after a while of her becoming more distant and not being very enthusiastic anymore when chatting with me, and then becoming unavailable on one weekend, I could tell something was going on. I messaged her and asked her ‘I can tell that something’s weird between us. You seem a little bit distant. Is something wrong?’ and she replied and said that she wants us to take a step back and first be friends and get to know each other more.
She said that she was feeling like she wasn’t ready for a relationship and that she had to focus on her business. And she said she hopes that I understand that she needs some space to get her life priorities in line. I know that her business is new and still a work in progress, but I’m not stupid. That was an excuse, for sure. But I didn’t know how to respond to that. So I just said ‘Oh, okay, I’m honestly a bit disappointed. I was hoping we could get to know each other more, but sure, I understand. Let’s just be friends.’…
So clearly, when she says that she needs to get her priorities, or her business priorities, or whatever in line, really, she’s just getting a new guy in line. And yeah, well, it was just a bullshit excuse. She’s clearly been becoming distant and it had nothing to do with the business, of course. You know… Your actions… It’s not a coincidence that right when you suggest that and then you became a little bit insecure… All of a sudden, she pulls back and now she wants to be friends. My problem is how you responded to it. It would be okay to say “I’m disappointed” or something like “Oh man, that really sucks. I really liked hanging out with you,” or “I really like to be with you, but look, I can’t change your mind, so I was hoping we get to know each other more, but sure, I can’t change that.” But the problem is you said okay let’s just be friends. So basically, she puts you in the back burner, into plan B, or not even plan B. Probably plan C. She wants to revisit this.
At some point, she can just say “Hey, I don’t want to be friends anymore. Now, let’s date. I fucked some other guys. It turned out I was wrong. You’re actually better.” So she can just come back to the situation at a later point. And look, there’s nothing wrong with coming back at a later point. We all do this. And women do it all the time, especially because they have more options than men, but she gotta be real with herself. And she needs to also live with the consequence. She doesn’t want to be with you? Then well, just say it like this: You don’t want to be friends. Let’s be real… You don’t want to be friends. You want to be in a relationship with her and she knows it very clearly. So why would you give her a half-baked thing? Either 0 or 100. You don’t go for something in between. Like a 20, which is like, I guess platonic affection, but no emotional, sexual romantic affection. Why would you go for that? Of course, you don’t want to go for that. So why would you give it to her?
Will She Come Back After Asking For Space: Giving Her Space Will Make Her Miss You?
The question that I have for you is whether you think that there’s any chance that she’ll change her mind and come back. Right now I can’t really do anything but give her space that she asked for. She has no interest in even dating me right now. It really sucks because everything between us was great. I just pushed for exclusivity and being a legit couple too soon. I don’t know if this is something that can be fixed but what’s your take? Another one bites the dust? Is this a dead end and I should accept it? And if not, what do you suggest should I do? I’m actually not sure if I should stay friends with her, and if so, to what extent do I do it? What if we are just on very limited contact where we barely talk so she gets to miss me? Thank you for your advice.
Well, you don’t have to be friends to be on limited contact. Look, you can tell very clearly what you want. Sorry, that doesn’t work for me. I really liked you and I think you could tell that I like you and I don’t know why you can’t make this work, and why we can’t be a couple, or why we can’t at least spend more time together while you’re figuring out your business. Call her out a little bit. She knows that it’s BS. Of course, but you just let her know “I can’t do this and if you ever change your mind, then let’s talk. You can just come back we can hang out again. And no hard feelings if you need to figure out your business priorities. I understand.” And that way she doesn’t have to feel too bad about herself, but she also knows that you’re not letting yourself be pushed around, and then there’s still the possibility that she’s going to message you every now and then, but there’s at least an understanding that you’re not accepting this. You’re basically not giving her a free pass and saying “Hey, okay, sure. And you can be my guest. You can fuck other guys and then you can still talk to me.”
No, she can of course, message you, but you don’t treat her as a friend. You’re not treating her as someone that you hang out with all the time. Rather, she’s more an acquaintance. If she messages you once a month and she has something that she wants to say, yeah, sure, say it. But you keep it short. The conversation stays very short, very platonic, very even formal. It’s not like she’s one of your besties. She’s not one of your best friends. You just talk every now and then, but you keep it very short so that she gets the message that you don’t really want this. And if she doesn’t want to give you what you want… And it doesn’t have to be moving in together and being a couple. It’s affection… If she won’t give you affection, then you won’t give her any attention. It’s as simple as that. And then if you do that, there’s a chance that she comes back. Now, I would not suggest to keep this going. Of course, if she can tell that she can still message you all the time, that is not a solution. So that’s why you should limit your contact as much as possible. But you don’t have to be rude. You don’t have to be awkward about it.
Just give her short replies. If ever she messages you, if you can tell that she just does it to be friends, now she messages you because you can clearly tell she’s regretting what she’s done. She thinks this was a bad decision and she probably just felt intimidated by the thought of moving in already, and now she made up her mind of “Oh no, actually this guy was really great and why didn’t I just say yes to it? Or at least why didn’t I say hey I want to wait a little bit longer?” Of course, you became insecure. That made it worse. But she turned you down, right? So she hopefully then eventually realizes she made a mistake and you can start from scratch. And then, of course, you know the answer: Don’t force it. Let her do the choosing. You wait for her to suggest it. Just keep on fucking her. And that’s all you need to do. You don’t have to make it too complicated because let’s be real: Women make relationships complicated for us, so why would you as the man make it complicated? You want it simple, no? So just wait for it. Wait for her to suggest it. Then you have your clarity and then there’s no complications. So that is my advice to you. Let me know in the comments what you think. Give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and never forget to unleash the king within.
