Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In today’s video, I’m going to talk about talking to women, talking to girls. Depending on your age, whatever you want to call it, figuring out are they flirting with you? Are they into you? How do you know when to approach a woman? When is the right timing? What to say? There’s so much in today’s message. I have a message from a guy, he’s probably very young. Actually, he actually mentioned his age. He’s in his 20s, I believe, if I remember it correctly, he’s 25. And yeah, he struggles with talking to women. So I’m gonna give him a little bit of advice. Pretty straightforward stuff in my opinion. It’s just paying attention and once you see the patterns with women once, twice, thrice, it’s like it repeats all the time. And then you can tell she’s into you. And then you’re not gonna question yourself. So with that said, let’s see what is the pattern, and what do I have to say about his situation.
Signs She’s Into You: A Girl Making Eye Contact With You Is A Sign She Wants You To Make A Move
Hey coach, I hope you can shine some light on my problem of talking to girls. I’m a little bit of a shy guy. I only had two girlfriends so far. I’m 25, by the way, and I’m just not the player kind of guy. So hitting on girls is not really my forte and I’m somewhat cursed with bad timing. I suck at figuring out when girls like me and I overthink too much what they’re thinking. Because of that, I tend to just not talk to girls.
I think sometimes I have a hunch that girls might like me, but I’m not really sure. So even if I think they might be into me, I’m not really sure. And then I just don’t take my chances. I think sometimes I have a hunch that girls might like me but I’m not really sure. So even if I think they might be into me, I am not really sure, and then I just don’t take my chances. The question is: How do I know when it’s the right time to talk to a girl? How do you know that she wants to start a conversation with you?
Okay, so first of all, let’s establish something. You are very shy and you’re very inexperienced. You’re 25. You’ve had two girlfriends, but you do lack the experience to actually talk to women. And you said you’re not the player kind of guy, but the thing is, you don’t have to be a player kind of guy. What separates a player from the average guy? Most likely, they are very unaware about a woman’s attraction as well, but they just don’t give a fuck. If I would count the number of women who have told me that men are unaware of the fact that they have a clitoris, which is insane, because if you play with women’s clitoris, she will go insane… They will love it! The fact that a lot of guys just don’t know it or are not aware of the clitoris and the effect of clitoris is just insane! So a lot of guys are really unaware of a lot of shit with women and so I think players just don’t give a shit. They don’t necessarily know if a girl is into them but they just don’t care and they just walk over there. So that by itself will already increase your chances.
Woman Making The First Move: She Wants You To Look Into Her Eyes And Make A Move On Her
But of course, it would be much better if you actually know if a girl is into you, rather than just not giving a fuck and then just walking over. Your chances will actually be more successful, most likely, if you just pay attention, and then only walk over to the women who are most likely into you. Sure, if you have huge numbers like a player, yes, at some point, probably, they would win. But you don’t have to be like that. You just gotta pay attention to if a woman is into you. So how do you actually do that? How do you know what’s the right timing and does she want to talk to me? And the simplest answer is always eye contact. If a woman is looking at you, it’s basically game on! You should walk over to her relatively quickly. Let’s be real: No person looks at another person if they are not interested in that person. If I see a woman across the bar or if even if I see some guy that I’m clearly not into because obviously, I am not gay, if I see some random dude, and I don’t find him interesting, then I’m not gonna talk to him. If I go to a networking event and there’s some guy who doesn’t look interesting, he doesn’t strike my interest, because he looks like a beta, or he looks like something that I just don’t like, maybe he looks like an asshole, or something like that. Maybe he looks like a nomad. I don’t really like to hang out with nomads even though I am in Bali, because they’re just not my vibe. So I’m just not gonna even pay any attention to that guy.
It’s the same thing with a woman. If I don’t find her attractive, why the fuck would I look at her? The same thing is true for a woman. If she doesn’t find you attractive, intriguing, if she doesn’t want to talk to you, if she doesn’t want you to come over, then why the fuck would she even look at you? She will not look at you. She will look at the guys that she actually finds interesting. And she might even look away if she is repulsed, because if she’s not into you, but she can tell that you are into her, she might not like that. So look, there are all of these signals that a woman is into you, like crossing her legs, uncrossing her legs, or if she does mirroring, or if she plays with her hair, or with her neck, if she puts it up and all of these things. Yes, they are indicators, but ultimately, it’s just the eyes. If she’s looking at you, then you don’t need all of these complicated signs. If she’s looking at you, most likely there’s something that interests her.
Now, of course, if you walk over to her, how can you be sure what if she’s not into you? The thing is, if she’s not into you, you’re gonna have a conversation. If you are not being weird about it, you’re just gonna have a nice conversation and nothing bad will happen. You’re just going to have a normal conversation and the thing is, if she’s into you, typically they will start touching you really quickly. If you have a conversation after walking over to her and you’ve been talking for 10 minutes, maybe even less, she will already start touching you, and yes, there are some women who just touch everybody, but this is very rare. Most women who touch, they touch because they like you. And they want to symbolize that they want to be close to you. They want you to come closer to them. So if you walk over to a woman and you looked at her eyes and she looked at you, and she kind of smiles maybe a little bit, or she glances at you multiple times, maybe she’s shy and glances away and then back at you, and you walk over to her, and then she starts touching you… That’s a clear sign that she’s into you.
There’s no real right timing. You just gotta take your chances. If you can see that she’s into you or if she’s looking at you, look it’s the perfect timing to walk over. And you shouldn’t wait because the longer you wait, the more she can tell that you are insecure. And at some point, it becomes quite creepy, to be honest. It becomes awkward. And she can tell that you’re very, very insecure and it sounds kind of cliche, but yes, sometimes there’s a literal spark in a woman’s eyes and in her smile and you can just tell that as she looks at you, she is really happy and she can’t wait for you to open your mouth. So you just gotta pay attention to that. Sometimes, if a woman just has that particular look on her face, that look, the same look that you have if you see a girl or if you’re talking to a girl on Tinder or Bumble, and you’re having so much fun… Guess what? You’re smiling, right? Imagine that same face that you have when you’re having a really great conversation with a girl. If she has that same smile when she sees you, that’s a clear sign that she’s into you. All right, so let’s continue with your questions.
The Power Of Eye Contact In Love: Paying Attention To Which Woman Is Making Eye Contact
I actually have a similar problem when I go out with friends. As I said: I’m a shy guy. Definitely a bit more introverted but I go out to parties and bars usually with my close groups of friends, which is a mix of one or sometimes two girls, and mostly guys. Being in a group actually helps me a lot with my shyness because it means I don’t have to be the leader in the group and can just bounce off on conversations about what everyone’s talking about in the group, but there I still have the same problem that I don’t talk with girls so much or more precisely, would be the fact that I don’t really flirt because I don’t know who to flirt with.
Okay, before I go into the fact that you don’t know who to flirt with, I want to say something. Bounce off an idea that I had with a few videos, a few videos back, there was this guy and I recommended to him that he should just go in bars with friends to practice actually talking to girls. So talk to girl-friends and just platonic friends, basically, go out partying and talk to girls who are just your normal friends. And practice having conversations with them. Now, you’re not 100% doing this. Okay, you are there with girls and that is helpful, but I want you to take it a step further. You say that you are bouncing off of other people. So you don’t want to be the leader. But no, that’s exactly what you got to practice. If you don’t want to risk getting rejected, then just treat these girls in those groups as normal girls that you don’t want to hit on, that you don’t want to take home, or that you don’t want to ask for their number, or something like this. Just think about having a conversation and teach yourself how to go from one story point or from one topic to the next, because you gotta be a leader. It’s so important. If you’re not the leader in the conversation or in the bar, like the literal alpha male, then women will not be into you.
Obviously, they want to talk to the one guy who leads the conversation. So if you are in a group of people and your friends are the ones who are mostly talking, then you are the shy awkward guy, and guess what? The only girl that you might get is the other really shy awkward girl who is probably not that hot. She’s kind of a wallflower and she’s not the girl that is worth seducing. Now, based on your experience, you might disagree with this, and there’s still merit in getting laid with a girl who’s not that attractive, if it helps you to build up your confidence, yes, but obviously, you want to aim higher, and higher, and higher, but you’re teaching yourself to aim really low. Basically, you’re setting your expectations super low, because you tell yourself I’m just going to be in this group of people and I basically use someone else to lead the conversation. It’s like you are using some other guy to have a conversation, which tells me that you completely suck at having conversations. Remove this guy from the group, or remove the group, and you’re completely lost. I understand it makes it easier but you should try to also insert yourself more in these conversations until the point when you are the one who can start the conversations. Or you don’t even have to be in a group.
You can just start a new conversation, let’s say with another group. Let’s say you go to a bar and there is a group of three girls. You talk to them maybe with one more friend, you approach them, and then you’re able to lead the conversation. That’s ultimately what you gotta be able to do. But you’re not able to do that because you’re already failing at the relatively passive approach of you’re with your friends, they are your group, you’re starting a conversation, and you’re not inserting yourself more into the whole conversation. So you’re kind of like a bystander, basically. That’s not very attractive. Now, in terms of the problem that you don’t know who to flirt with, you say something really interesting here.
Is She Interested Or Just Being Nice: Flirt Like A Bad Boy And Take The Risk With Her
I’m actually afraid that I will assume that a girl likes me because she’s friendly with me but then she’s actually just being nice. You can read about this online all the time that women say just because I’m being nice to you doesn’t mean that I want to date you. So I get even more hesitant because I don’t want to be disrespectful or have awkward moments where it turns out that we’re not flirting at all.
And yes, that is basically the patriarchy speaking. This is the women being butthurt that men want to obtain them. Right, like, I find you attractive, I want you, I want to talk to you, I want to take you home with me. Like you’re an object. No, you’re not an object. You are intriguing. But women are really butthurt about this, and so they make up these stupid excuses, such as just because I’m nice doesn’t mean that I wanna fuck you, or that I wanna date you. Yes, that is sometimes true, sure, but most of the time, if she just doesn’t give a shit about you, she would not talk to you at all. If she’s talking to you and she’s really friendly, most of the time, there is some level of intrigue, some level of interest, some level of attraction, because she doesn’t know you yet and she wants to know if she wants to know you much, much, much more.
Yes, if she is not that into you, maybe she has an attraction level of 10, a 2 out of 10, okay, she’s barely attracted to you, but there’s still something that she might find interesting about you. Does that mean that she’s just being nice? No, she’s still super on the fence that maybe there’s something interesting about you, but mostly not, but yeah, so she is to some extent into you, even though it’s barely into you, she is still kind of intrigued. She doesn’t know you yet, so she doesn’t know what to expect, and this goes back to what I mentioned earlier. You should not be worried about the fact that you are disrespectful, because she’s just being nice to you. I mean if she has a problem with you being nice to her, then it’s a problem on her part with her character. If you are attracted to a woman and you want to talk to her, that’s flattering. That’s basically a compliment. And if a woman gets butthurt about that and thinks that you are disrespecting her, then she clearly got mental issues. I’m sorry to say it. And she thinks that all men are there to just use her and fuck her and treat her like an object, when of course, most men do not think like that.
So you shouldn’t worry about this because any woman like this, first of all, they are rare, at least on the extreme spectrum, and anyone who thinks like that is just… You know, she belongs to the streets. She’s crazy. She’s probably entitled. And a narcissist, because she thinks she’s too important, to be honest. So a woman like this is kind of shitty, to be honest, but most women will, as I said, start touching you. They will be happy about talking to you. And if they are not into you, then they’re just going to be flattered you want them, that you are attracted to them, but they won’t touch you. They won’t advance closer. And they will give you a sign by being very passive with you that they’re just not into you. And that’s it. A normal healthy woman will just basically not push further. She will keep her distance. Problem solved.
And the reality is if she is keeping her distance, it will be hard for you to get closer. So as you can tell, if it gets really hard to get closer to her, she’s not into you. All right? If she’s totally into you, she will, as Isaid, touch you. She wants to be close to you. She’s going to be very close in your space and she might sit very close next to you, or she’s going to banter with you, and sometimes pat you on the shoulder, or something like that. Make a joke, basically, and show you that she wants to touch you more. Whether she does that… You know, sometimes just touches you very obviously, or just like very pushy, or something like that, there’s all kinds of ways how women touch you just to show slightly “Hey, I kind of do like you. That’s kind of funny. And it’s hilarious what you’re saying. And I’m showing you with my touch that this is inviting. This is warm. Everything that I feel around you makes me feel warm, and I want to give you my warmth with my literal body warmth.”
So you got to pay attention to this and if she doesn’t do these kinds of things, then she’s probably not into you and she won’t mind. Just let it go and if the first advance didn’t work, then you will have a pretty clear awkward sign that she’s not really into you, and then yeah, just look, don’t let it get to you and keep being friendly. Keep on going with the conversation and if you don’t mind, if you’re not butthurt, if you don’t have a weak ego, you still can have a good conversation, even with a woman who is clearly not into you. This is what weak needy guys do. They talk to a woman that they wanna get into their pants, they are then butthurt or they are disappointed if they are not into them, and then they do the walk of shame. Basically, they run away. Shame, shame, shame. I failed. But no, whatever! You just have a conversation & if it doesn’t work out, just keep a conversation, and then eventually, you’ll go like “Hey, I see my friends and I gotta go,” and then you don’t have to do your weird awkward walk of shame.
When She Is Attracted To You: What To Say To A Girl When Approaching Her Rarely Matters
Well, and also, of course, lol I don’t know how to flirt. Maybe you also have some suggestions for this. Like how to actually start a conversation with girls? I guess that escalated quickly and I’m asking you many questions. I guess you can see that I don’t even know where to start. I hope you can give me some advice. Thanks a lot. I keep watching your channel and will pick up your book really soon.
Thanks for picking up my book if you do, and thanks for watching my channel. And so okay, how do you start a conversation? I’m going to use some of the conversation starters that I see with girls here when they actually start a conversation with me. So for example, they will just ask something like “Hey, are you from here? Do you live here? You live nearby? What are you doing here?” Simple questions like this that I just don’t expect at all. I’m just standing on a beach, yeah, I’m standing on the beach, this happened to me two days ago. I went running to the beach, and so I go to this beach every now and then to go running, and basically, there was a waitress there and she has seen me a few times now. And so I’m standing there. I’m basically just minding my own business and she then asks me if I’m from here, what I’m doing, and I mean this is basically the most basic conversation starter. What are you doing? Right? Like why are you here? You would think… You probably think that if you would ask this to a woman that it would be super weird, right? Like, why are you here? Yeah, it does sound a bit weird but if the woman is into you, then she doesn’t give a shit what the hell you’re talking about.
I can guarantee you, if you would see a woman who is into you, let’s say she has really nice curly hair, really lots of volume and it just looks very unique, and you walk over to her and you say “Oh my God, wow, your hair looks really amazing“… You know what? If she’s into you, she does not give a shit that you told her that her hair looks amazing. That is, let’s be real, that is kind of a weird awkward conversation starter for a lot of people. But if she would be into you she would be like, you know, she would be really happy that you like her hair. She would say thanks. She would be probably very elated that you noticed her hair, quite frankly. Of course, if she’s not into you, she’d be like “The fuck???” Yeah, let’s be real, she would be like “That is creepy! You’re commenting on my hair? It’s strange!” But that’s how dating dynamics work. If she’s into you, that’s on Tinder, if guys are really hot on Tinder, they can say really nasty stuff to a girl, for example, as openers or in the first few messages. If they’re not hot or if they’re just not into them, you can say something nasty, and it will not fly. That’s how attraction works.
So that’s why you gotta pay attention because as soon as she’s into you, you can say whatever. I say nasty shit on Bumble to girls all the time. I talk about sex and all kinds of stuff like this all the time, and guess what? Most of them are not upset. Most of them are actually probably most likely very turned on. I mean sometimes they send me nasty stuff and they are kind of turned on because a lot of guys don’t do it. And I can just tell if a girl likes me and then I just slowly see how far can I take it. And if I could throw in some nasty comment here or there and I can tell that they’re not awkward or they’re not being offended, then I know she probably likes me, and if she doesn’t say anything about it, what can I do, man? Okay, I can’t do a woman’s job by rejecting me, or rejecting the way that I try to approach her.
I’m just trying to say here that you don’t have to overthink your conversation starters. You just gotta start with something and if she’s really into you, you could start literally with “Hi, what are you up to? Do you like it here? Or are you gonna go somewhere else soon? I’m thinking to hop to the next bar soon. You want to come?” … And if the girl is into you, she will say “Yeah, hey, why not?” But well, first she’s gonna probably want to have some more drinks with you, but if she’s into you, she might be like yeah maybe but let’s first have some conversations, and if she’s into you, even if that conversation starter sounds a bit scary, she’s gonna start a conversation with you. So as usual with guys like you, you are overthinking too much because you are too shy and it’s what I mentioned earlier when you said that you’re not a… What did you say, yeah you’re not a player type of guy. As I said: The player, even though he might not be aware that the woman is into him or not, he will just walk over and he is a little bit of oblivious to it, but he just doesn’t give a shit. He just starts saying something and then maybe his chances are 50/50. Maybe 50% of the women in the bar are into him and you know, flip a coin! If he’s lucky, he walks over to a girl who likes him and it works. He can say whatever the hell he wants, or if he’s unlucky, he walks over to her and she totally is repulsed but he doesn’t give a shit. So you need to stop giving a shit.
As always, it’s about not being so much in your head and it’s also about just the fact that if you go out and you are in a bar or something like that, it should be about fun. It should be about being curious. It should be about getting to know someone, not to get laid, not to get your dick wet, not to improve your ego, not to get an achievement. Achievement unlocked! I talked to a girl! Achievement unlocked! I got a number! Achievement unlocked! I talked to her the next day! No, that’s not what this is about. It’s about general, genuine connection. I don’t go out to a bar to hook up with a woman. I go out to actually learn something new, to widen my horizon, to have a good time, to experience something new, and that’s the same thing that you should do. So that’s my advice about especially conversation starters.
It’s not about trying to find the perfect thing to say or do. It’s actually more about having the perfect mindset of thinking okay, if I walk over to her, she looks kind of interesting, let’s say she has tattoos, for example… I want to know why does she have tattoos? What kind of tattoos does she have? Is she kind of a rocker chick? Is she wild? Is she kind of crazy? What kind of personality type does she have? So it’s about curiosity. That’s my advice. Be curious. Be excited about what you’re going to discover once you actually say hi, because as I said, if she’s into you, you can say whatever, and then she will just lead the conversation for you, or she will start it in some direction. All right, so that is my advice for you. I know this is kind of scary but you gotta try it. And it’s gonna work, trust me. So that’s my advice. Let me know in the comments what you think. Give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and never forget to unleash the king within.
