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When She Still Talks To Her Ex?! Are Your Boundaries Being Respected?

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Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.

In today’s video, we’re going to talk about dating boundaries. When you’re in a relationship with a woman, you got to make sure that you have the ground rules in the relationship set and you got to make sure that you both make each other happy and especially what about boundaries with talking about an ex, and talking with an ex? What if your girlfriend is still talking to her ex? How do you feel about that? Is that the right thing for her to do or should she maybe just stop talking to her ex? What if that guy is thirsty? What if that guy is trying to get back with her? This is typically a recipe for disaster.

What Are Your Boundaries With Your Girlfriend: Setting Rules In A Relationship Is Crucial

And so you got to have healthy boundaries and tell your woman what you want and what you don’t want. And if you don’t get what you want, if she won’t give you what you want, maybe you shouldn’t be in a relationship with this kind of woman. So I have a situation from a guy who is in that situation. He’s dating a girl. I think it’s a four months relationship and she is still talking to her boyfriend or ex boyfriend… But who knows? And yeah, let’s see what I have to say.

New Relationship Problem: She’s Still Talking To Her Ex — Should She Stop Talking To Her Ex?

Hello, coach. I would like to get your thoughts on a situation with a new girl that I am dating. Well, dating might be the wrong word. We’re already a couple. We’ve been together for about four months now, and I’ve been pretty happy with her all this time. But I noticed something that I don’t really like. She is still talking to her ex. For me, that’s kind of a big no go. But I’m torn because I understand that it’s up to her what she does with her life. Obviously, we are an early couple, so it’s not really up to me to tell her to not talk to her ex. But I can’t help but feel that it’s not the right thing to do. Usually, I probably wouldn’t mind if my girlfriend still talks to her ex, but this one is different. Her ex is kind of thirsty. I can just tell that he still wants to be with her. I know I am biased and it is more a feeling than 100% proof. But the way he talks to her just seems weak and needy.

Well, it is quite understandable. Look, some couples or some ex couples can stay friends and there’s nothing there. It’s super platonic and they just don’t give a shit about each other anymore. It is possible. Yes. That said, it actually has been studied that most of these couples or ex couples, they just drift apart. They don’t stay friends and eventually, you know, whatever. New lives, new future with someone else, new friends, and you don’t have much in common in the long-term. And it just fades away. Now, for those people where it doesn’t fade away and you have a really good friend, that’s great for those people.

But most of the time, it’s just really dangerous because there are still emotions involved. And you could actually see this as an escape plan and escape route to say, OK, you know what? I’m not happy with my current relationship and I still have a backup here. I still have someone who is still there possibly waiting for me. And so if you say that he seems very weak and needy, it’s kind of understandable why you wouldn’t want that. And yes, you are an early couple. So to some extent, it is true that you can tell her what to do after just four months of dating. But let’s first see what you have to say about him in particular. And then I’ll give you my final conclusion about this.

My Girlfriend And Her Ex: Does She Like The Attention From Her Ex Boyfriend Or Are They Just Friends?

I don’t want to make any wrong assumptions, but if I didn’t know it any better, my ex kind of likes the attention she gets from him. I talked with her about it and she assured me that they are just friends and that she just thinks that they spent a lot of time together and he’s been an important part of her life, which I get. But I don’t know, man, am I actually just crazy or what? Am I in the wrong? Should I just chill the fuck out?

Look, if you can feel that there’s something off and that she likes the attention and this guy is kind of thirsty, then well, the thing is, it’s kind of tricky, right? It depends on the context. Your situation is you’ve only been together for four months. Honestly, what I would do is, I would tell her what you want, what you don’t want. And if she can’t give you that, it probably would be a good idea to just break up at this point because there’s not enough damage at this point. Right. So if you would be in a one year relationship or one and a half or two years and then you recognize you don’t want this and she can’t give you what you want. If she actually stays in touch with this guy and then you break up, it’s much more painful and there’s no good ending there because, you know, like you said, are you making assumptions? Are you crazy? Who knows? But you say that you think that she likes the attention.

That is a really red flag. She does like that. Yeah, she’s keeping her options open. I’m not saying that she’s a cheater. I’m not saying that she’s necessarily a narcissist who is monkey branching. But perhaps she’s not fully committed to you. Perhaps you’re just a rebound. Perhaps she’s not taking this as serious as you are. And if that’s the case, well, then you also got to ask yourself, is this the right thing for you? Because if she doesn’t take it very serious, but you do, and you want to be one unit, whereas she is kind of a unit, but, you know, she keeps one little finger out there ready to reach out to some other guy… That obviously cannot work! So you got to have a conversation with her about this. And should you chill the fuck out? I don’t think so. But let’s see.

She’s Friends With Her Ex: Can She Be Friends With Her Ex Or Should She Cut Off Contact With Him?

I actually had a girlfriend before with who she was still friends (with her ex). And back then, I didn’t bother me with my current girlfriend. It’s probably because I can see him commenting on her posts. I just don’t like it. The way he talks to her is just too comfortable for my taste. I know this is so lame, but I checked out her Facebook. I saw that recently he tagged her in some cute dog video, which is just so fucking weird to me. I mean, who does that? I feel like you only do this with people with whom you want to be intimate with. And if you’re having feelings for each other.

Now, yeah, that is again, a little bit of a red flag-ish. Even if they would be close friends, sharing and tagging on Facebook and this kind of stuff, it’s a little bit too much. And I think this guy probably knows what he’s doing. He probably must be insecure. I have a feeling this guy is maybe kind of a bit of a beta because no guy with integrity would do something like this. If I would know that my ex is dating someone and we are in touch, even if I would be into her, I would just not fucking tag her and post on her wall and this kind of stuff. That’s just really shit behavior.

First of all, it could get her in trouble if maybe she’s not even in the wrong, right? What if I’m the one who’s tagging and she doesn’t want that? She could get into trouble, right? So the same way. I mean, if this guy tags her, she could get into trouble as well. So this guy that she used to date probably is a low-integrity man, a low-value man. And maybe, just maybe, that can tell you something about her. Is she a high-quality woman or does she just date low-quality men? And do you want to be trapped in this situation? I’m not saying that this is the case, but it is kind of a pattern that I would look out for because maybe she’s just in bad relationships all the time and this is why they are exes now. Who knows? You never know.

When She Doesn’t Respect You As A Man: What Should You Do If Your Girlfriend Still Talks To Her Ex?

I know you could theoretically also share stuff with random friends and that also happens, but it just can’t get this sour taste out of my mouth. What do I do about this? If I tell her that I don’t want her to talk to her ex, am I the shitty toxic boyfriend? Where I come off as weak and insecure? I don’t want to seem like I am feeling threatened by him or anything like that, although, of course, I somewhat do, I guess. So what’s your suggestion on what I should tell her? Thanks.

Well, sometimes showing that you care about some other guy can be weak and insecure but in this case, I don’t think this would be insecure at all. You wouldn’t be a shitty toxic boyfriend either. You would just be someone who has clear boundaries saying, “Hey, I don’t want this. I don’t feel comfortable with this. We are in a relationship and not this guy. And this guy is kind of like threatening to us,” and one important thing that you got to know about relationships is that you got to protect your relationship. Did I already post this short? It is just so important that you protect your relationship from outside influences. This guy is clearly an outside influence. So, for example, yeah, let’s take it like this. There are always guys who probably are hitting on your girlfriend when you’re not there, you don’t know about it. Maybe even if you’re there, maybe if you go buy some drinks for her when you’re going out at a bar or something like this. Whoops, you’re gone for 10 minutes. Some dude is hitting on her. Yeah. And what is she going to do? What should she do? She should protect your relationship. She’d make sure to say, “Hey, wait, I need some space. I need some distance. Sorry, dude. I’m in a relationship. I have a boyfriend. I’m really happy with him.” That’s what healthy people do.

That’s what you should do. That’s what I would expect from you. Otherwise, you are a piece of shit. And if she’s not doing that, she’s also a piece of shit. Now, I get it. Their situation is a bit more complicated because they used to be a couple. So they probably have a good friendship. Maybe they do have a good friendship. But ultimately, you got to tell her what you want. And if you say, if you think that this guy is thirsty, if you can tell clearly there is more going on there, trust your intuition, trust your gut! If your gut is telling you that something’s off here and this guy basically wants to be in her pants, this guy wants to fuck her again. Maybe he wants her back. Maybe he still loves her. I don’t know. Maybe she broke up with him and he’s really heartbroken. And he’s hoping that through the friend zone, he can get back with her. Something like that. Who knows? But if you can tell something is off, if your gut tells you, most likely that is the case.

Confident Alpha Male In Relationship: How To Lead A Relationship As A Man & Set Boundaries

Sure, you could also be wrong if you’re insecure. But in your case, you don’t sound insecure to me. Quite frankly, I mean, you said it yourself. You had an ex before where it was OK to you, right? And there are people where it would never be OK to them. So I’m assuming that your last ex where it was OK with you, you know, it was normal. They had a normal friendship and it didn’t bother you. And this is a different situation. Now you can clearly tell that her ex, he probably wants to be back with her. And that’s not OK for you. So tell her what you think. You’ve only been together for four months. And if she can’t give you what you want, I’m going to be honest with you: Maybe it is the right idea to break up. Now, look, it is really up to your discretion if you want to stay together. If you say, “Hey, this bothers me,” and she says, “No, I don’t know what you’re saying. We’re just friends.

Like you said, she’s like only friends. And nothing is going on there. Yeah, you can stay together, but you’ve got to be prepared for the consequences that this guy is always going to be a thorn in the eye if you have some weak period in your relationship, if you are unhappy, if you’re making her unhappy, if she’s making you unhappy, if you’re having a lot of fights, there are chances. There is a chance that then she will turn to this guy. And even if she’s not a very aggressive cheater, maybe something bad happens. And I think it’s very important to have clear boundaries. I personally would never have this kind of relationship with an ex of mine. I mean, they just take it a little bit too far with the sharing and all that stuff. And who knows what’s going on with the private messages? I would never do this. And I would expect the same thing from my woman, because ultimately, at least for me, and I think for most people who come to my channel, relationships are about the long-term. You are in this for the long term. Maybe you want to get married. At the very least, you hope that you stay together for the rest of your life. Or at the least, maybe you hope whatever. Let’s say 25 years. Maybe you’re not necessarily someone for the rest of your life, but you just want a long period with one partner. Build a strong relationship.

And for that, you got to be committed to your unit. And you don’t let other people into that unit. Just like, for example, you wouldn’t let your parents, her parents or your parents tell you that you’re not good for each other or that you should break up or that, you know, your each other’s way of life are not OK or something like that. You would say, “Hey, I respect your opinion, but I love her. And we’re committed to each other and we’re going to make this work.” And so is she committed on that level? Is she willing to say, “OK, I understand how you feel and I can live without my ex, but I can’t live without you. So I respect your boundaries. I will respect you. I will respect your feelings. And I am going to stop talking to my ex.” And that shouldn’t bother her if she really wants to make it work. I mean, ultimately, it really doesn’t matter so much to stay in touch with an ex. Even if you shared a lot of time together, I mean, yeah, whatever. Friends come and go. We choose to let go of other friends as well.

So an ex who turns into a friend is not that much different. If you really are just friends, you just drift apart. It’s the same thing. So it’s not that important. Anyway, you got to accept the consequences. If you tell her if she doesn’t want to, I would probably break up, especially because it’s only been four months. So better find yourself a woman who is going to not do something like this. Or if she does it, say: “OK, I understand how you’re feeling and I’m willing to just end the friendship with my ex.

Now, that is my advice. That’s all you can do. You are not toxic for bringing this up, quite the opposite. I think this is the healthy thing to do. Clearly communicating what you want is not toxic. There’s nothing toxic about that. What would be toxic is to just bottle it up, never tell her, get resentful, get angry, hate this guy secretly. Also, starting to hate her and then become more aggressive, and aggressive and blame her for certain things that might not even be her fault. So you want to clearly express how you feel. That is not toxic. That is quite the opposite. It’s healthy. And so, look, if the woman that you’re with doesn’t give you what you want. That is healthy. I mean, it’s a healthy thing to tell her and then to walk away if she won’t give it to you. So that’s all that you can do. I think you are a king for wanting to express it. Go tell her what you feel. And then I wish you all the best. So that is my advice for you. Let me know in the comments what you think. Give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel and never forget to unleash the king within.

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Hi, I’m Andy Graziosi. I help men unleash their confidence and reach their fullest potential. My science-backed philosophy is: “The king is already a winner.” — Amazing women are already attracted to you. All a king has to do is use this attraction to his advantage.

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