Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In today’s video we’re gonna talk about what if an ex reaches out to you, specifically because she needs help. And this one is kind of dangerous because yes, sometimes your ex will reach out because it’s just a bullshit reason. An excuse to reach out to you to, message you, and she might ask for something. Doesn’t matter what it is. Help me out with figuring this out that you’re good at, for example, such as graphic design, or marketing, or video editing, who fucking knows. Something that you’re good at. And she’s gonna ask for help. And sometimes she does that because she just wants to figure out how much can she push you around. It might be a shit test, and I always say “a woman who can deceive is going to leave“…
If she can tell that she can just push you around, then she might just disappear again, because she’s gonna date some other guy. But most of the time, also, it just means she wants to get to know you. She wants to figure out what’s up with you, and she’s curious about you. But there is the danger that perhaps she doesn’t care about you at all and she just wants to get a favor. She knows she’s gonna reach out to you, you want her back, and she’s gonna ask for help, and she’s going to get that help. And the only thing that she cares about is the help. So how do you know: Does she actually care about you and maybe she is testing you, but that still She wants to use you and then move on with her life. Move on to some other guy. he is in a situation just like this. He’s not sure what to do. So let’s see what is my advice?
Hello coach, I hope it is okay if I send you only a short question about my breakup with my ex-girlfriend. I don’t want to recount all the details of what happened between us but basically, in simplified terms, I neglected my ex too much and she broke up with me because of it. The reason she gave me was that she said that she wasn’t in love with me anymore.
Makes sense. You have to understand that if she breaks up in that moment because you’re neglecting her, that feeling can change. Any person’s feelings can change, and especially a woman’s feelings can change. Right now she wants nothing to do with you and when she says she doesn’t feel like she’s in love with you anymore, she feels like you are not loving her properly. And she probably gave up. She’s like “Nah, there are other guys who want me!“… There are probably 10-50 guys who want her, who always try to hit on her, but she always rejects all those guys because she’s with you. But then she’s not getting what she wants and eventually, she’s like “Why am I dealing with this? Why am I putting up with this when there are so many guys waiting in line who actually want to give me what I want?“…
Which is being cherished. Makes sense, but of course, these guys can also screw up. These guys can make her unhappy. There are so many reasons why she might think the grass is greener on the other side, she breaks up because you’re not treating her well, but then she realizes this was a mistake. So don’t bother. Don’t panic. I know most of you who are on this channel who come because of an ex back video, you probably already did a lot of these things. If you haven’t done them yet, that’s a good thing. Anyone who comes here before that, don’t panic! Don’t think that because she is not in love with you anymore, that it means that she doesn’t love you. Clearly, if you’ve been together for a long time, she loves you, but right now in that moment she’s not feeling it and she’s not seeing any signs that it can improve.
And I know a lot of you guys wanna then show that you’re gonna change. You’re gonna improve. But that is not the right moment. Unfortunately, if you already screwed up, trying to fix it in that moment after you screwed up and she’s about to walk away, it’s probably not gonna happen. So keep your dignity, let her walk away, show her that you’ve learned your lesson. You’re not gonna repeat this. You’re not going to beg for her attention. You’re not going to beg her to come back. And you’re going to focus on yourself. You’re going to get your shit together, and getting your shit together is also part of not messaging her all the time. It’s about keeping no contact going. It’s about respecting yourself to only want her back if she also wants you back! So let’s see where it goes.
Because I didn’t think she’d break up with me like that, I begged hardcore for a while, then I started doing no contact when she asked me to give her space. I guess the no contact is working out but I still want to get your insight. I really don’t know. My ex reached out to me a day ago, pretty much totally out of the blue with no warning sign whatsoever.
Yeah, what happens most of the time, of course, it’s not like you are tuned in to what she’s thinking. What she’s about to do. If you don’t know what’s going on with her life, how could you possibly know when is it going to happen?! And so this is why it’s important for everybody watching, it’s completely useless to think “When is the day that she’s gonna message me?” and constantly thinking, and overthinking “today she’s gonna message me! What does it mean that she unblocked me? What does it mean that I saw her and that she looked at me? What does it mean that she looks away?“… All of these things and overthinking every single step of your life is unhealthy. It’s not gonna lead anywhere and plus, there’s no way to figure that out. You’re not Nostradamus. You can’t read her mind. You can’t predict the future. You can’t know if she’s gonna message you in two days, or in a week, or in a month, or in six months, or in a year.
So it’s completely pointless to think about this. And most of the time, it just happens completely out of nowhere, and that’s great! Because when you don’t expect it, you actually don’t have such high expectations. And when you don’t have high expectations about it, you will be really pleased when she reaches out to you, and you will feel so much better about it when it happens. You will probably also be a little bit anxious about it but it feels good to hear from an ex when you didn’t expect it and all of a sudden you see “Look! She still cares about me!” or “She cares about me again!“… That is a good feeling. It’s an ego boost! And if you just think about how she doesn’t care about you all the time, that will destroy your ego! So don’t go down that route!
She said that she was moving and asked me if I could help her out with moving into her new apartment. That’s this upcoming weekend. Because I didn’t really know what to make of it, I stalled and told her I am not yet sure if I have time on the weekend, so I can get your advice. So I really need to let her know! So my question is: Do I actually help her out? I am afraid that this turns into one of those breadcrumbing situations where my ex only messages me if she needs something, based on your mentality of “be dominant, not a doormat”… Maybe I shouldn’t help her and show her that we’re not together, so I won’t help her with this? Or what’s your advice? I don’t want to be degraded to being the guy she goes to if she needs something, so please let me know your thoughts. Thanks a lot!
So first of all, you gotta take this guy’s advice! He’s being realistic! He knows that she might just be back to use him. He doesn’t want to let himself be pushed around. You should think the same way, even if you care about her, even if you want her back. Don’t let yourself be pushed around. Don’t become an object of convenience. Don’t become the guy that she just asked for a quick favor, and then she ditches you and runs off to whatever guy she’s dating! What is my advice in this situation? In this case, I would help her out!
Why? Because you get to go to her place. You can gauge if she is into you. You can banter. Maybe have some fun. Maybe you can make out. Maybe you can be intimate. Maybe you even have sex, who knows!? Obviously, all of these things are great and lead to getting back with an ex! Now, if circumstances were different… If, for example, she just asks you “hey can you design a logo for me?” or “hey can you help me fix my car?” or “hey can you help me out with this proposal that I got from an accountant?” … Whatever… Something that is just very pragmatic. She gets something quickly and she can just disappear.
If that is the case, I would never agree to it. I would just say “Sorry, I’m too busy, I can’t do this right now. I hope you find someone who can help you with it“… But in this case, there is essentially an opportunity to seduce her! So what I would do is, I would go there. I would help her. It might be fun! You can also try to seduce her, and then you can see if she reaches out again because if she liked it, even if she’s not ready to be seduced / become intimate, she might think this was nice. The interaction wasn’t tense. It was kind of natural. It felt comfortable. A woman who trusts discovers her lust! So she feels like this was okay. It was safe to be around you. Then she thinks “You know what? Let’s have a proper date!” and maybe she reaches out again! But clearly, of course, if she then asks for another favor, then you’re going to say “No, this is not going to work out. You’re clearly just messaging me because you need something,” but in this case, you can’t really know that yet for sure.
So be dominant, not a doormat! It’s all about looking at the patterns. If you see a pattern of this happening repetitively, then you gotta walk away! But this one case, you can actually seduce her! So what I would do is say yes. Say “I’m available” and then let’s see. You can also suggest if she wants to do something else like grab lunch before that or something like that. Basically, focus on having a good time and as long as she doesn’t do this more than once, then you know that she’s reaching out to you and the “I need help“… It’s really just a bullshit excuse. She doesn’t need help, because what did she actually say? Why did she need help? Moving… Moving…. Someone else could help her with moving. I mean come on! Friends, girl friends, other guys who are hitting on her. There are probably as I said 10 guys who are lined up who want her and she could just ask any of those guys to help out with moving. And she knows she doesn’t even have to have sex with those guys and she can just get some help from these guys, or from a good friend, from her best friends.
She probably has plenty of friends who can help her with this. So why would she ask you? Worst case, she could even hire someone to help with the move. So there is a high probability that this is just an excuse. If it would be something very specific like let’s say you are an expert at… I don’t know… Law. You’re a lawyer, and she needs very specific help like “hey can you look at this contract? Is this good? I want to buy land. Can you look at the land title here and all the requirements?” You know, something like that, that’s very specific. That is kind of obvious why she would be reaching out to you and then it might just be for a favor. But in a case like this, where it’s very random, very basic stuff, where she could just message any other guy, I would go for it. See if you can have fun. See if you can make out with her. See if you can kiss her. See if you can touch her a little bit. See if you can banter. Maybe you can get some alcohol involved, eventually, cook because she’s moving into the new place. Let’s try to use the kitchen, for example! And then see where you can take it. And if you can’t take it anywhere that time, then maybe you can still take it further the next time.
So you gotta look at the pattern. It’s all about the pattern! If you see the pattern, if she just asks for something again, so here she asks for “hey can you help me with the move?“… That’s fine. If nothing happens, that’s not a clear sign yet that she’s just using you. If she then would ask, let’s say, “can you help me with painting the walls?“… Okay, I would try again. I would probably go there one more time and I would also try to probably be very playful because painting is fun! You could put some paint on her. Anyway, have some fun, try to seduce her at that time for sure, and then if she asked for favors again and especially if she rejected you, if she doesn’t go further, if you try to escalate things and show her you want her but she’s basically cock-blocking you…
If that happens, then you walk away, because you deserve a woman who wants you and this could be a sign that she cares about you, that she wants you. You gotta make a move. That is very important. You gotta be confident. You gotta unleash the king within. Have the balls to make a move! And if she says no, that doesn’t necessarily mean yet that it’s over. That she doesn’t want to take it there. But you got to be persistent, try it one more time, if she then still says no, then you gotta walk away and no more favors whenever she asks you “hey can you help me with this? That. This…” then say: No sorry, I’m busy.
And she’s either gonna get the hint if she really cares about you. She realizes oops! I shouldn’t have been so passive! And she then makes a move. Or if she doesn’t give a shit… You know what, she’s never gonna message you ever again! And you’re going to find a woman who truly wants you! So that is my advice for you. As you said very clearly, don’t be a doormat, be dominant! I wish you all the best! You got this! You gotta seduce her when you meet up with her! Alright, so that’s what you do when an ex reaches out for help. Let me know what you think in the comments below. Give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and never forget to unleash the king within!