Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In today’s video, we’re gonna talk about maintaining a healthy relationship. And actually, also about understanding what do women actually want. What do they need. We’ve all gone through this, that sometimes we’re dating a woman and something’s not right. She’s not happy but she won’t quite tell us what is going on, why she’s not happy, or how does she feel. Maybe there’s just something lingering inside her but you don’t know what it is. And she’s not telling you, and you gotta figure out what the hell is going on? So you gotta pay attention. You gotta understand what women want. You gotta understand how women think. What they feel. What are their needs?
So I have a message from a guy who is in a relationship and overall, honestly, his relationship is fine. They have small problems here and there. It’s not actually even a problem as we’re gonna go through the message. He thinks it’s a problem. He thinks something’s wrong. And if he just pays attention, he’s gonna figure out how to improve the relationship. And in fact, lead it to the next level. And that’s what you should be doing as a man. You are a king. You should always lead your relationship. Be strong and show to your a woman that you’re willing to take it to the next level. Be confident. And say “This is what we’re gonna do next. This is what I want us as a couple to do next,“… And she can, of course, say no to that, but the fact that you’re leading with confidence, with clarity, that is sexy to a woman. And if you do that, she is never going to leave you, because she can tell that you’re going to take care of her. And if things go wrong, you know what to do. Alright, with that said, let’s get into the message.
What Girls Want In A Man: Pay Attention To Your Girl Or Someone Else Will
Hi coach, I am kind of stuck with my girlfriend in terms of some of our problems. She and I overall have a good relationship. I love her a lot. To me, she’s pretty much the woman of my dreams. She’s beautiful. The sex is the best I’ve ever had and she’s pretty funny, but lately, she’s kind of moody and more easily irritated. And I don’t really understand why. We’ve been together for roughly one year. We don’t live together but she spends the majority of her time at my place.
So before we continue, let’s first talk about something here. Overall, your relationship is not so bad, right? You’ve been together for one year. The sex is great. She’s the woman of your dreams. Okay, she’s getting a little bit moody, sure… But why? You should recognize that just because she gets a little bit moody, that doesn’t mean that the relationship is on the brink of collapse. The reality is that you’re noticing this quite soon. So most of the time, the reason why relationships fail is because guys actually cannot tell that something is wrong, or they bullshit themselves that something isn’t wrong. They think “Nah, it’ll be fine. It’s fine. No worries.” And eventually, it’s not fine. And then they break up. You’re recognizing there is something off. It doesn’t seem like you have problems per see, but she’s a little bit more moody.
I think that I’m a great listener and that I always try to make sure that she’s happy. I pay attention to her needs. I give her quality time, and when she says she misses me, I send her messages throughout the day just as little reminders that I’m thinking of her.
Perfect.
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But despite all of that stuff, recently, when she comes over to my place, it’s like she always got something to say about my place. Something here isn’t okay. Something about the way I clean up my stuff isn’t how she likes it, and so on. It’s like she’s so bothered by this, but it’s not even her place. So I don’t get why she’s always so affected by this stuff that well, doesn’t affect her.
So two things that I want to mention here. First of all: Why would it not affect her? So you’ve been together for one year, correct? And she comes over all the time. So you’re a defacto couple. You’re almost like a couple that’s living together. Sure, she has her own place, but she’s probably at your place most of the time. So why wouldn’t it impact her? Dude, if I would bring over a girl to my place, and even if we’re just casually dating, imagine if I bring her over once a week. Maybe let’s say two times a week. And my place is messy… Do you think that doesn’t impact her? Do you think she’s not going to be disgusted? Because I have long hair right now. So I easily lose my long hair. So I always gotta sweep the floor and if there would be lots of hair on the floor, what do you think… What do you think, what would she think if I don’t clean up the dishes? If I just leave them in the sink for two days? What if I don’t make my bed? So there are a lot of things that can impact her, because she is staying at your place, and since I was talking about making my bed… I’m sure you’ve heard this line from Jordan Peterson… Clean up your room.
Why does he say that? Because you got to take responsibility for shit and women want you to take responsibility for things. So if you can’t even clean up your room, if you can’t even make sure that you put the shoes in the right place, if you can’t do something like that… Putting the shoes in the right place… If you can’t do something like this, then you’re like a little baby to a woman. And that’s not even a big thing. So these small habits, they actually say a lot about you. And they say a lot about you to a woman. About your willingness of how you lead your life, and how you lead a relationship. So if you can’t take care of making your bed, cleaning the dishes, making sure that your bathroom is always clean, so that it’s not fucked up, that you are actually doing your laundry on time… And all of these things are seemingly really small. But how can a woman trust you that you can take care of the big things in life if you can’t even take care of this? It’s ridiculous. It’s like sometimes I read about people online who cannot cook. Like how the fuck can you not cook? If you’re in your 20s, okay, maybe you’re just starting out with life, fine. But if you’re in your 30s and you can’t cook, for example, well, what kind of woman would want to be with a guy like that? Yes, there are women who would want to be with a guy like that but there are not that many women.
So yeah, there are women who also can’t cook but it’s a life skill. It says a lot about how you basically deal with life. Are you just a little baby? Or are you an actual man? Because no one wants to date a baby. She wants to be with a man who takes care of shit and she wants to be taken care of. So if shit hits the fan, if something goes wrong in your life, you can take care of shit. But if you can’t even take care of making sure that the stuff in your fridge doesn’t spoil, then how can you take care of the mortgage, for example, when you wanna buy a house? There’s no way that she’s gonna trust you! So you think it doesn’t affect her. Or you think why does this matter to her? Even if you don’t live together, well, that’s why. Because she wants to know that you can take care of the big stuff. And taking care of the small stuff here and there, it bottles up. And as it bottles up, it snowballs, it gets bigger, and bigger, and bigger. It shows that you actually have confidence. That you have skills. Competence. And that you’re trustworthy. All right, with that out of the way, let’s continue.
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I noticed that ever since this started, she’s more likely to not want sex and just sleep / cuddle at night. She’s definitely reduced the affection that she shows to me in the last one or two months. But I don’t understand why. As I said, I treat her just as I always have. I really don’t think that I have changed my behavior too much with her. And I am sure I haven’t become complacent, but somehow that’s no longer good enough for her. It’s like everything that I gave her before no longer makes her happy, or only partially makes her happy. That kind of worries me because it is not like I can give her more of what I’ve already given her. I even asked her if I am doing something wrong and she said that I am being sweet and that everything is fine. So I don’t really know what to do because she didn’t tell me what’s wrong.
Well, one thing that I noticed here is you said something like you haven’t changed your behavior too much. You’re still… You think that you’re still taking care of her. You’re still listening to her. As you said, you message her every now and then. So you try to basically be understanding of her. You try to make time for her. You try to be there for her. That’s actually good. But there’s also a problem here. So if your behavior hasn’t changed and you said you can’t give her more of what you’ve already given her, but the thing is relationships actually evolve, and so does a woman. So does your girlfriend, of course. She wants more now. What do I mean with more? Of course, you can’t give more forever. That doesn’t make sense. But look, if I were her, one year in a relationship… What do women want? What is the most important thing, the biggest need that a woman wants from a man? What is it? It’s stability. She wants to know that you can take care of her and so one way how she gains stability is to actually live together.
So if she’s bitching a lot about your place, I have an assumption… I could be wrong about this but this is probably her subconsciously telling you “hey, I would love for us to live together,” because clearly, she cares about your place. She cares about… You didn’t mention particularly what it is, right, but let’s say she cares about where you place certain things, or how things are tidied up, how things maybe are not tidied up, or how often you change the towels, or something like that. I don’t know. There are all kinds of things that could bother her. It’s defacto her place, but it’s not really. So she knows that she doesn’t have the stability because she doesn’t live with you. I have a feeling she actually wants to live together with you. And I apologize, I probably had COVID the last few days, and my voice is starting to break a little here. So sorry for that. So she wants stability and I bet that she wants to live with you. So she’s not telling you outright what’s going on, but I think this is what’s going on, because otherwise, why would she complain so much? Yes, to some extent, it’s understandable that she would complain, but if it becomes a bigger issue, and it actually bothers her a lot, that’s something that you have to investigate.
Now, we’re trying to figure out does she want to live together? And if you don’t live together after one year, why not? Don’t you think it’s a little bit odd? Unless you are a very religious person who thinks we’re not gonna live together unless we’re married, then that might make sense, but it doesn’t sound like it, because you already have sex. So her expectations must be high. She probably wants to be in a relationship with you at this point. I have this friend, he has this girl, and he’s not really dating. They are casually dating, and she is from Jakarta. I’m currently in Bali. And he’s right now in Bangkok. He travels a lot. And she clearly wants more. I listen to his stories and she wants more, but she’s not really getting it. So I have a feeling that this friend of mine has to commit to her really soon or he’s going to lose her, because she’s not going to stick around forever. This woman is 30. Probably in her 30s. And at some point, she’s just gonna realize “I gotta make a decision. Can I actually get the stability from this guy or not?” And your girlfriend is asking herself the same thing. “Can I get the stability from him?“… From you. And yeah, it’s been one year of dating now. So maybe she wants to live together with you. That’s just something that is an assumption of mine. I’m not sure about this. I can’t say for 100% sure, but I think this is probably what’s going on.
Female Psychology: What Women Really Want — Addressing Relationship Issues With Humor
So the question is: Obviously, something is wrong, but she didn’t tell me what, and I have no idea how I can tell what it is, nor do I even know if you could figure it out from this message because as I said, I just don’t even know where to begin because overall the relationship is fine. So I’m kind of lost in a sea of uncertainty with no way to navigate what she wants or needs from me. So I don’t have my hopes up that you can give me life-changing advice based on what I sent you but I hope you still have some kind of suggestions, anyways.
So I think what would make a lot of sense here is applying humor. Keeping it light. So you already asked if something is fine, but she didn’t tell you, right? So she probably wants you to poke a little bit more. She wants to know that you understand her. So you shouldn’t be giving up so quickly. What I would try in your case is because this might become a little bit of an argument perhaps… I don’t think it will but it depends on how you approach this… I would try humor. So, for example, if let’s say… You don’t clean up. You don’t put the cooking utensils in the right place, for example. You don’t clean them up, for example, after cooking, after you had a great meal together. And she wanted you to clean them up. Maybe you can make a joke and say “Hey babe, I’m gonna put it up here. Can you reach it? Is it okay? Just make some jokes. Make some please the playful banter. And tease her a little bit.”
Don’t take it so seriously and just make it about showing her it doesn’t bother you. It’s almost funny to you. And then when she actually laughs, when she’s having a laugh about how you’re not taking it seriously, maybe you’re even making a little bit fun of it, then you try to figure out “Hey babe, what’s going on? Why are you always having so many problems with this? Is there something I’m doing wrong with this? Come on, tell me. I just want to know why is it that you’re no longer happy with the way that I’m doing things now. Is there something that you want from me? Is there something that you need from me? Is there something that you haven’t told me yet? Or what’s on your mind, babe?” … and you just gotta try to poke a little bit. Well, not poking. Poking is the wrong word… Just figure it out. You gotta open her up, basically, and so the best way how you can do that is with humor. With fun. Keep it light. You don’t have to make it very serious because she doesn’t want to have a fight with you per see.
You say that your relationship is quite fine. As I said, she probably just wants to live with you and so she doesn’t want to make a fight out of this. She doesn’t want a confrontation. She actually just wants the relationship to get better. So by keeping it light, showing her that you’re not here on a war path, you just try to figure out what is the best for both of you, and you want to make her happy, of course, that way you can then figure out what does she actually want. And you’re right. I can’t figure out everything based on what you’ve told me. It could also be something completely different, of course, but I do think that it has to do with your place, particularly, with shared responsibility and expectations. I think she wants to have clear expectations on what to get out of the relationship.
And at some point, she’s got to make up her mind. “Do I keep dating you or not?” … It’s like my friend in Jakarta, or well, his girl in Jakarta, you know, just like this guy… Imagine if this guy would be fucking around or flying around in Asia for the next two years, three years. She’s gonna be like “Fuck I’m done with this. There’s another guy who actually wants me.” And it’s kind of similar in your situation. She wants to know that you’re committed to the relationship. And most women want to have children. Most women want to have a house together. Most women want to get married. It’s all part of the dream. And you’re barely getting started with the dream. So yeah, you kept your behavior the same so far, but maybe you need to take it up a notch. So that’s my advice to you. Let me know in the comments what you think. Give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and never forget to unleash the king within.
