50% Off The PhoenEx 3-Step-Blueprint

Why Girls Pull Away But Come Back After A While?!

Get the ultimate science-based guide to the no contact rule. Massive YouTube promo inside👇

PhoenEx 3-Step-Blueprint - Sign Up Now

Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.

In today’s video, we’re gonna talk about girls, women who pull away. They come back, then they’re turned on for a while, then they go away again. Hot and cold. What do you do with women like this? Especially, what you do if she’s really hot/attractive? And the thing is, with a really hot woman it’s a lot more common because she has a lot of options. And so of course, this can be very confusing. It can also, quite frankly, waste your time. So you got to be smart and careful about what your options are and how you do it. And ultimately, typically, if you are in a really confused state with a woman, you should know that it’s most likely not the right person for you. It’s not the right woman. If it is too hard, then just find yourself a woman where it is very easy. But anyway, let’s see what is the advice that I can give for a guy who’s in situation where the woman is quite hot, and she’s also hot and cold. So I should tell you something: Hot and cold, there’s typically a correlation there. So let’s see.

Confused While Dating:: When A Woman Drives A Man Crazy — How Much Lack Of Attraction Is Too Much?

Hey coach, what’s up? I hope you’re doing great. I’m personally in what the fuck, man mode right now with this girl who’s not sure what she wants.

Well, typically, if you’re in what the fuck mode, then you should just get the fuck out! It’s just the honest truth. It’s just as I said: If it is too hard, if you’re just what the fuck, then why date her? I know, sometimes women are just really hot and just the thought of putting your dick in there is just getting it really hard, and you just can’t fucking control yourself, but the truth is… I talked about this with a friend yesterday, or two days ago…. Pussy is pussy. I’ve been talking about this in one of my latest videos. I talked about this model that matched with me, and at what point does the beauty of a woman still matter? At what point is a pussy just a pussy. And boobs are just boobs. And asses are just asses. At a certain point, the woman is just hot enough. And the reality is there are so many women who are just hot enough. And you don’t need this super hot woman, because if she’s just confusing you and you’re like “What the fuck?“, then yeah, what the fuck?? Fuck another woman.

That’s just the harsh reality. Not a harsh reality, but it’s just a wake-up call for most men. It’s probably a harsh reality for these hot women that they should know that they’re missing out on a lot of great guys, because if you would actually have the standards to say I’m gonna walk away from this, then maybe the women wouldn’t do this. Actually, let’s be real: We men encourage women with this behavior to just walk away when they’re really hot, because yeah, we want them, and we don’t care if they walk away and come back again. We don’t respect ourselves enough because we want the pussy, but you got to respect yourself enough to say “I want this pussy but I respect myself a lot more,” and if she’s hot and cold, there’s another pussy. There’s another! You get a pussy. You get a pussy. You get a pussy. Everyone gets a pussy. That’s how you gotta look at it. Anyway, that was a quick aside here.

Dating Inconsistent & Incongruent Women: What To Do When A Girl Doesn’t Know What She Wants

I met her about six months ago at a toastmasters event. Toastmasters is a club for public speaking. So she’s a really smart girl, seemingly knows what she wants, knows how to express herself, but at the same time, it’s like she doesn’t know how to tell me what she wants though LOL.

You say that she knows what she wants but if she would really know what she wants, then she would just go for you because you clearly care. You must be a nice guy. And if you’re not insecure, then why would she not date you, right? So she’s basically looking around. Maybe she’s fucking around. She’s not really sure what she wants. If you’re in my age group on, or older. 30, 40, something like that, most guys, we only develop game in our 30s. Maybe in our late 20s. But most of us only develop game and confidence with women in our 30s. And that for large parts also because we look more attractive. For example, I never had a beard when I was younger. We build more muscle. If you’re really skinny, you look a little bit more muscular. You just look older and more attractive. You have more social status. So we men have a lot more game when we get older. And before that we didn’t have much game. With women it’s the opposite.

When they are very young, when they are in their 20s, that’s when they are most desirable. Some women, especially Caucasian women in their thirties, you can already start seeing that they’re getting old. Where I’m at right now, the asian ladies, they stay younger a little bit longer. So you can meet a 45-year-old woman here and she might still look like she’s in her 20s. Maybe, not maybe. She looks like she’s in her 30s, but on average, women will grow old relatively quickly. And so in in their 30s, that balance shifts. So if a woman is in her 30s, for example, if you’ve ever gone on dating apps and you’re in my age group and you see these women in their 30s, late 30s, and they’re still dating around, they still haven’t found the great guy, that should tell you something. That they don’t really know what they want because let’s be real:

A hot woman like this she should have no problem to find a man to marry. Let’s be real: I mean it’s so fucking easy for her. If one guy doesn’t work out, next guy! She just has to do fucking nothing. She just opens Tinder once & she gets the guy. She goes out once & she gets the guy. She goes out to a grocery store & she gets the guy. She meets a guy organically at the meet up with friends & she gets the guy. And if a woman like this is still single, that is a red flag kind of and it tells you that maybe she doesn’t really know what she wants. Because she clearly doesn’t want you though, right? So I know she’s smart, and everything, and you think she’s perfect, but there’s obviously a red flag here. A non-congruence. You’re bullshitting yourself, basically, that she knows exactly what she wants, and either she doesn’t know what she wants, or let’s be real: She just doesn’t want you. So that’s something that you gotta consider. And of course, you gotta figure out which one is it?

Hot And Cold Girl: When She Pulls Away And Comes Back After A Boring Date

She’s the hot and cold kind of girl who seems interested one minute and then she goes cold again and only comes back after some time. I only went out with her once on a coffee lunch date. That was maybe one month after meeting her, but ever since then, she tends to message me only in intervals. I actually think that she lost a bit of attraction for me after the date, and so I didn’t pursue her, and then after some time she messaged me again. This is the kind of cycle that we’re stuck in right now.

It’s quite understandable that she lost some attraction after the date because it was a boring date. It was a lunch coffee date. So I have lunch coffee dates with my best friends, but certainly not with women. I have lunch coffee dates with my Indonesian teacher, but I don’t have lunch coffee dates with a hot woman that I wanna quite frankly, wanna just bang, or even if you don’t just wanna bang her… Even if you want to have sex with her and then be in a relationship with her… A lunch coffee date is not the most exciting thing on the planet. And so most likely, what’s going on there are other guys who are going out with her in the evening. Maybe it’s dinner and they are having sex with her after that. Or they’re making out. Something like that. You haven’t made out. There was no sexual tension. Especially in a coffee shop, lunch could be kind of fun, perhaps, but she just can’t touch you that well. She can’t be that open. I think it just puts women into a mode where they don’t want to be so touchy with guys because they’re not out to flirt. They’re just out to get to know the guy, but it’s a bit of a different vibe, because there are a lot of people who are just going on with their daily lives.

And it would look a little bit strange if there would be such heavy flirting in a coffee shop, for example, whereas if it’s in a dinner, during dinner or after that outside at night, it’s kind of fine. It is a different vibe for a woman. And also just in general, you can’t really enjoy yourself so much. I mean especially if you were on a coffee lunch date, some coffee shops are freaking amazing and have really great food, but the average coffee shop is a coffee shop. They have just coffee and basic stuff like croissants. So it doesn’t really speak like you’re treating her for something fancy or special. Is the coffee shop something special? No. That’s just some place where you go to hang out or to get some work done maybe. That’s nothing special. A nice fancy dinner is something special. Or a nice activity that has been planned is special. And after she felt special, what comes next? Special treatment for you. But because you didn’t treat her special, she loses attraction, and then probably she’s most likely having sex with other guys. She’s mostly going out with other guys. She’s having fun with other guys. You didn’t set up any good dates and that’s why she’s also most likely losing attraction.

Plus she’s hot. So who knows? I actually googled the toastmasters and I looked at some pictures and these events can go quite big. Quite large. So big groups. It’s a typical meetup for some kind of community. You know, like 30+ people and it happened to me… I used to organize a meetup myself in the past. A techie meetup. And I would be the, or I was the organizer. Sometimes I would also present and stuff like that. And literally, there were nerdy tech girls and they would be hot ones, and they would hit on me on those events. So she gets hit on all the time, even in the most unlikeliest place. Well, I mean you met her on a toastmasters yourself, so you should know actually that she has options and there’s guys even at those events who are hitting on her. And they’re probably taking action. And you are not taking good enough action. So that’s why. All right, so let’s continue.

She Keeps Pulling Away: You’re Always Competing With Another Man For A Woman

When she texts me she seems very talkative but then after a few days she goes cold again. I don’t know why women do this? I mean why would a woman even message you when she’s not even really interested? Like she messages me but after just two or three days she seems very disinterested again, and slows down, and doesn’t seem very interested again, and slows down her messages. I actually think that I’m a charming guy and I don’t have this problem with every girl that I talk to.

Yeah, of course, you don’t have this problem with every girl that you talk to because some women will be very desperate. They will be really into you. Either they’re just really, really into you, something about you is just something that they love so much and even if you screw up a lot they’ll be very forgiving, but then there are also women who are not that much into you and if you don’t set up a new date, if you don’t entertain them, if you don’t escalate with them, they’ll get bored really quickly and they just give up, because guess what? They also want to have sex. They also want to have fun with you. That’s why they’re talking to you. So when she messages you, of course, it shows you that she’s into you. But have you actually set up other dates or are you just trying to talk? It’s not really clear from your message but the problem is you’re not seducing her. One could even say that you are sedating her. You’re boring her to death.

If you just message her all the time, I mean if she messages you all the time but then nothing happens, that’s kind of boring. If a woman messages me and I have the opportunity to it, then I would just very quickly always ask “Hey, what are you up to? What are you doing tonight?” and then just hook up. And then after hooking up, it’s basically a done deal already, or even if you don’t hook up, at least you can have some fun. If you don’t work hard enough to actually build sexual attention and sexual attraction, and use that, then it’s no surprise that she goes cold after a while. But she messages you every now and then, so she’s probably keeping her hopes up a little bit that you’re gonna take some useful action. A useful action… Sounds kind of weird but yeah, she wants a useful action. I guess having you inside of her… That is kind of useful. So you’re not doing that. You haven’t really done anything interesting to seduce her.

And I was reminded about this last weekend. Actually, I was out with some Indonesian people. There were some girls and some guys and I was astounded how little game the guys had. They didn’t really know. They didn’t have any confidence with women at all. They didn’t know how to date at all. And so if a woman has to deal with a guy like this who doesn’t know how to date, or just doesn’t make a move on a woman for some kind of reason… Maybe you have a lot of game in general, but it’s just with her you’re not making a move, it’s boring, and yeah, she’s just going to move on to the next guy who actually makes a move. And I can guarantee you if she is really that great, then there are a lot of guys who are making moves. And if she is not already having sex, it’s gonna happen really soon. That’s just the reality.

She Won’t Make Time For Me: Don’t Put Her On A Pedestal If She Pulls Away Repeatedly

But she’s always at a distance. She’s a challenge and yes, I know I could just move on and let it go but she’s really interesting. It’s rare to find a woman who really stimulates me intellectually. She’s great to talk to when we do talk. We have similar interests and she seems to be quite ambitious and I don’t think she’s something like a gold digger or anything else negative. I’m not sure if this might be why she is low interest with me. Maybe she is too busy with work. She’s in a similar field like you. She’s a fitness coach and the reason why I met her at toastmasters is because she’s trying to improve her presentation skills for workshops and things like that. She’s got her own coaching business so I’m not sure if this contributes to her not being able to make time for me.

No, that’s bullshit. If a woman is into you, it doesn’t matter. I mean come on! Even if she has a business, she’s gonna make time for you. No woman is going to be too busy to not just meet up. Quite the opposite: A woman who is very busy and who is stressed, she cares about relationships to relax. You will see this very often with very hot women with good businesses. They want to rewind and they often rewind with their girl friends. You see them out, going out partying in really fancy clubs, and they’re having a good time. They’re enjoying their life. They’re using their relationships to actually compensate for the stress from work. Because for a woman, of course, so much work is not normal for them. They don’t want to work as much as guys want to on average. And so that’s why they then compensate with their relationships. And they are very relationship-driven. So if she doesn’t want to hang out with you, don’t think that it’s because of the business.

That is bullshit. She’s just not attracted enough to you and yeah sure, maybe she is very busy with work, and so she then says “I’m not going to prioritize you,” because she’s not into you, but trust me: The guy that she’s really into, she’s going to meet up with that guy despite her business. Maybe even because of that business. What I mean with that is that if she meets a really nice, intriguing guy, and she’s stressed with work, and she’s doing it all by herself, of course, she wants to share that with some guy that she really likes. It’s not a good excuse and I would not bullshit myself that it’s something about her being too busy. That’s just nonsense. You’re trying to rationalize why she’s not into you. Nope, that’s not how it is.

Overall she seems to be a very high value woman which is why I haven’t given up on it yet and I’m still trying to figure out the right way to actually get closer with her. I guess in a way I really like that she’s a challenge. It’s frustrating but also interesting at the same time, which really can drive me crazy. So the summary of all of this is that she is basically driving me crazy haha! Do you have any idea what I could do to make this work with her given that she goes cold too fast? I’m excited to hear your feedback. Thanks.

Women Come And Go: Get Yourself A Good Girlfriend Who Loves You Like Crazy — Now And Forever

Well, there are only two things that you can do. Three, I guess. First of all, when she messages you when she is hot, when she’s really into you again, even if it’s just for two days, just ask her what she’s busy with or what she’s doing and then ask her out. When you have your conversation, then you just throw in a message and say “Hey, what are you doing?” and then “What are you doing tonight?” or “What are you doing tomorrow? I’m going to place X,” and then say: “Hey, you should come!” and if she really likes you, she’s gonna come along. The second thing that you could do is, you could just walk away. Just let her go. Maybe she comes back, but then, of course, it’s still up to you. You gotta ask her out and it can’t be freaking lunch and coffee, especially if she’s a businesswoman, then don’t take her busy time away during the day. Just help her to relax and rewind in the evening. Maybe she wants a nice massage. You never know. Have some good wine, after that you massage her, you touch her in her erogenous zones, and she’s gonna like it, and then it leads to the next thing. You never know.

The third thing that you can do is if this just repeats and you even asked her out, you can ask her “Hey, what is up? Is there something wrong? I can tell that you’re not really wanting to go out with me. So it seems like there’s still something that you’re on the fence about me. So is there something going on? Is there something that’s bothering you about me? No worries if you’re not into me or if it’s something like that but just let me know. I can feel that you’re kind of being on guard with me. So I want to make sure that there’s not something that I’m doing wrong with you,” then she’s going to see that you are very calm and it’s almost like you are in a little bit saying “Hey, is it my fault? Is there something wrong?” She’s going to feel kind of bad, actually about doing this and if she is really on the fence for some kind of reason, then she’s going to tell you, and if she’s not on the fence because of some reason, and she’s just basically hooking up with other guys, either she will have the courage and the integrity to just let you know that she’s not into you enough, or she will bullshit you and then you can relatively quickly see that this was bullshit. Moving on! Back to number two! Moving on! Find the next woman.

It’s as I said: If you are in a what the fuck situation, then you just fuck another woman. That is typically the better option. And there are so many hot women out there. And yeah, trust me, if you fuck a really hot woman who is maybe not as hot as this one, but she’s also stimulating, she’s also fun, she’s also great to talk to, you’re gonna forget about her really, really quickly. And also, I checked toastmasters. It seems like it’s a worldwide movement, right? So there are a lot of intelligent women like this out there, all over the world, in all kinds of cities. Going to these kinds of events. And there are a lot of different related interests, right? So it seems to me that toastmasters is an event for intellectuals, right? There are many communities for intellectuals. You just gotta go to those and then you’re gonna run into probably another really smart, fun woman. And maybe she will be much easier to go out with.

So that’s my advice for you. Just keep your doors, your options open. Keep looking. And also, the next time when you meet a woman like this who seems to be the full package… Okay, first of all, why is she still single? Ask yourself this. But also more importantly, just do a better date. Go out for dinner. Set the expectations right. Because if it’s for coffee or lunch, yes she knows that you’re into her but it there’s no expectation on her part, that this goes into any romantic direction, at this point she’s basically very low effort, very low commitment. But if it’s a dinner date, she knows this guy’s taking me out. He’s serious. He means business. So that makes it a little bit easier to take it to the next level. So that’s my advice for you. Let me know in the comments what you think. Give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and never forget to unleash the king within.

by | Jul 15, 2022 | Dating & Attraction

Home » Blog » Dating & Attraction » Why Girls Pull Away But Come Back After A While?!

* Disclosure: I only recommend products I would use myself. Product/book recommendations may contain affiliate links that at no additional cost to you, may earn me a small commission if you purchase one of the products.

Get the ultimate science-based guide to the no contact rule. Massive YouTube promo inside👇

PhoenEx 3-Step-Blueprint - Sign Up Now

Need More Help?

If this was helpful, book a coaching session with me. Coaching sessions are available in English & German.

If you cannot afford coaching sessions, send me an e-mail (max. 900 characters long, English language) and if I find the time, I will make a free video about your situation. I cannot guarantee a video since I receive a lot of e-mails.

If you can’t afford coaching sessions, my book Unleash The King Within or my training program Confidence King are great self-help tools that you can use to improve your personal life and your dating experiences.

Hi, I’m Andy Graziosi. I help men unleash their confidence and reach their fullest potential. My science-backed philosophy is: “The king is already a winner.” — Amazing women are already attracted to you. All a king has to do is use this attraction to his advantage.

You can date your dream woman. I help you develop & maintain a strong masculine frame. This helps you overcome your dating insecurities & become a force to be reckoned with.

If you need help, feel free to reach out to me.

Unleash The King Within Dating Book

In Unleash The King Within, you’ll learn the mindsets, principles, and mental models to not only to gain confidence around women, but also to tap deep into it, and to take advantage of it to create the life that you want to live together with your dream woman.

The key here is the mindset shift that this book will install. It’s a new lens that clarifies and helps you see the king within you who is always surrounded by women who want to be with him.

Once you have this new mindset, you literally start attracting breathtaking women everywhere you go without having to lift a finger.

Get To Know me

Dating Advice On YouTube

Follow my dating advice for men. I post daily content on how to attract women.

Relevant Blog Posts

Why Do Nice Guys Always Get Hurt? Cuz They Don’t Wanna Hurt Anybody!

Why Do Nice Guys Always Get Hurt? Cuz They Don’t Wanna Hurt Anybody!

Let’s talk about getting rejected and being too much of a nice guy, and the correlation. With women you have to be a little bit aggressive. Not too aggressive, of course. Don’t be a tool. But you got to escalate with women. Don’t please them. Maybe even upset them. Or displease them when they want…

A Woman’s Congruence Test To Check If You’re A Confident Alpha Male

A Woman’s Congruence Test To Check If You’re A Confident Alpha Male

Let’s talk about receiving shit tests from women. Shit tests are when a woman tests your confidence. She will test whether you follow through with your opinion or whether you are going to go against the grain of what she has to say. She’s going to test whether you’re confident enough to lead and say…

Should You Date Single Mothers? Should You Date Older Women?

Should You Date Single Mothers? Should You Date Older Women?

Let’s talk about dating a single mom or a woman who is older than you. Is it a good idea? Is there a threshold where you can say, yeah, you can date her or not? Without spoiling too much, dating single moms often leads to trouble and you shouldn’t date them, even if you care about…

Blog Categories