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Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In today’s video, we’re going to talk about flakey women. Women who flake on you after you set up a date, and then they don’t show up to the date, or they don’t want to show up to the date. They tell you that they can’t make it… What do you do with this? Do you ignore it? Do you try to set up a new date? Do you date another woman? So I have a situation from a guy who has gone through this. He set up a date with a girl and she had to take care of something like a bullshit excuse, basically, and what do you do in this case? So let’s see what is the situation.
Before She Flakes: I Thought She Was Into Me And I Asked Her Out On A Date
Yo coach, I love your videos. Great stuff! I was hoping you can talk about something that I find extremely confusing. And that is women who flake. I just had a situation like this with a really nice girl, 27 years old, seems quite classy, above-average attractiveness, and is also very easy going. Not dramatic, not pretentious, and she also has good humor. She didn’t even mind me throwing some dark humor out. Overall, she seemed like a pretty good girl. And I also felt like she was into me. We had been chatting along for quite some time, about two weeks, and I decided to invite her out on a date. So I decided to try my luck and told her that I was going to an art show / aftershow, where we could grab some drinks, and then go somewhere else after that.
So far, so good. You can tell that this woman probably has a lot of options because she’s attractive. She has a good humor. She’s not uptight. Some women, for example, they can’t take dark humor. They can’t take a few naughty jokes. They are not okay with it if you basically say something that insinuates that you want to have sex with them, for example, and she’s very attractive, not pretentious, and not dramatic. So if she’s really that good, what does that tell you? It tells you that a lot of guys can see that. A lot of guys want her and she probably has many options. So maybe she’s flaking because she has so many options. So if she is an 8 out of 10, for example, she has so many matches. She has so many guys that she can choose from. And she’s going to choose from the one that turns her on the most, the one she likes the most.
And the reality is sometimes it has nothing to do with you. It could be your behavior, but sometimes, it’s not about you. It’s just that there are 10 different choices and even if maybe you would be the better choice out of those 10 guys, maybe she just hasn’t gotten to know you properly, and it just so happens that some other guy had a better conversation with her. And bam! She e chooses that guy. Or he’s just hotter, more attractive. There could be many reasons why she chooses another guy. It’s just a numbers game, basically, and if she’s very hot, then you gotta be prepared for the fact that she might be not into you, or she’s not into you enough, or rather she’s into someone else a lot more than she’s into you. And that’s why you should keep dating all the time. Always keep your doors open, especially when you’re just early on in the dating process. Talk to multiple girls. Talk to lots of girls. Set up multiple dates, because even after the first date, even after the second date, you can’t really tell where this is going yet. So you have no idea if you’re gonna see this girl ever again or not. And so it’s a really good idea to always date another woman.
I matched with this really nasty girl a few days ago, maybe a week ago, but unfortunately, to my surprise, she was not Indonesian. I live in Bali, Indonesia, and to my surprise, well, she is Indonesian but she lives in the US. So she moved to the US a while ago and she’s freaking naughty, but we matched right before she was basically about to leave. Two days before she left and I’m pretty sure we would have amazing sex right now if we wouldn’t have had bad timing. But hey, it’s bad timing, so whatever. Maybe she comes back here. Maybe not. And yeah, I don’t mind. I just keep dating more women. And she’s one of the women in my inbox, and so this one didn’t work out. In this case it wasn’t flaking. It was just bad timing. Shit happens but it doesn’t matter because I can date a lot of other women. There is a long queue of women on Tinder and on Bumble. So always keep your doors open. That’s just important. It’s not just about flakiness. It’s just, in general, good advice.
And by the way, you also handled it really well. The way that you invited her out on a date, I think you did nothing wrong so far. You just told her “There’s something that I like. An art show. And there’s going to be an after-show with some drinks.“… That sounds pretty cool! So perfect! You’re not doing it for her. You’re telling her “I would like to go to this, and you’re invited! Why don’t you tag along?” So even if she says no, you’re okay. Well, I’ll still go. And you’ll be like “Anyway, if you change your mind, if you want to go to something else then yeah cool, just let me know, but I’m not gonna invite you again. I’m not gonna ask you out again.” And that’s how you gotta do it. So you’ve done the right job. You’ve done it quite well. And if she would have said no, then I wouldn’t have tried it again. So good job so far.
No Text The Day Before The Date: I Sent A Text To Confirm Our Date — She Did Not Reply
She seemed to like the idea, so I was naturally excited for us to go on the date. During the week she seemed in high spirits. We had been chatting as usual, but then the week of our date… FYI, we were about to go on the date, on Thursday, she starts to seem less enthusiastic about chatting. She would reply less often and she’d no longer start engaging with my sense of humor, which made our conversations a bit dry. I would tell her something funny but sometimes she wouldn’t respond to it, but I didn’t really let it get to me. I didn’t say anything and figured it’s okay… She’s probably just busy. But then the day before the date, I tell her that I’m excited for the art show and that I’ll see her tomorrow. She did not respond.
So you’ve done it right until this point. You basically keep talking to her, you try to have some fun, and if she doesn’t reciprocate, you’re like “Whatever, maybe she’s busy“… That’s the right approach. Don’t make it about yourself. Because maybe she really is just busy. Maybe some shit is happening at work. You never know. You have no idea. I’m having a really, really great conversation with a girl. I’ve been talking to her for about a week or so, and she’s really cool. She’s really nice. I think we would get along really well. I’m gonna ask her out for a date really soon. But I haven’t gotten a message from her today. I expected her to reply but she hasn’t but who knows? Maybe she’s busy with work. You never know. Don’t freak out about it. And even if it’s just a flake, even if she loses interest, whatever! There are many fish in the sea. And so you should never freak out about it.
She Cancelled On Me: How To Respond When A Girl Flakes On The Day Of The Date
I sent her the message in the evening and no answer. That was kind of weird. And then in the morning, she sent me a message that said ‘I’m so sorry, I can’t make it tonight. I have to take care of my brother tonight because my parents are going somewhere.’ I said: ‘Okay, yeah, no problem. I understand. Anyway, hope to see you soon.
So bullshit, because of course, you sent the message in the evening, but she probably didn’t want to reply to it because she knew she has to flake. She has to do the uncomfortable thing to say oopsie, can’t make it! And she feels bad about it because if the brother just came in between, and then she wouldn’t feel bad about it… She would feel bad about disappointing you, but ultimately, she’d know she can’t do anything about it. “I have to take care of my brother.” That’s just how it is. But clearly, it’s just an excuse because she didn’t tell you. She waited for the day until after, and it’s kind of awkward. You say it was kind of weird. So it’s an excuse. What I would have said is… I wouldn’t have said it the way that you did it… “Oh, okay. Okay, yeah, no problem. I understand. Anyway, hope to see you soon.” I probably wouldn’t have said “hope to see you soon“… I would have just said something like “Oh man, that sucks. I would have loved to see you. Anyway, well, have fun taking care of your brother. I understand and that’s it.”
I would have definitely not said “No problem” even maybe “I understand” is wrong. Keep it relatively short. Definitely not “I’d love to see you soon” I would just express my frustration in a relatively passive way, and that’s it. And don’t suggest to meet up again. Don’t suggest “I hope to see you soon” She should know that she’s basically a flaking and she hopefully knows that that this is not cool. And if she really feels sorry about it, then she will suggest something else. But I wouldn’t express to her that “It’s cool. You can keep on doing this to me over, and over, and I hope that maybe in a week from now you will not do this to me again.” So you gotta be really careful with your words to not normalize what she’s doing. basically.
Why Women Flake On Dates: There’s Little You Can Do When A Woman Flakes — Don’t Overthink
After that flake, I figured that she wasn’t interested. So I didn’t message her that much any longer in the hopes that she would push a little bit more once I’d started pulling away, but she actually never messaged me ever again. I don’t really know what I’ve done wrong here. I mean I didn’t send any weak or needy messages. I may have texted a bit too much but surely that can’t be the reason to flake and then never text again at all, no? Can you tell me what’s up with that? Thanks a lot.
Well, it is just as I said: A lot of women have so many options and maybe you’ve had good connection, you didn’t send any weak and needy messages and it was kind of okay for her, but then it was just not enough spark for her. And as I said, she probably has five other guys who are messaging her, and so the thing is it might not necessarily be about you. So maybe she just recognized that you are not compatible with each other. I matched with a girl a while ago and she seemed so cute and I recognized after just a few days, I already had my doubts after the first date actually, that we might work out together. And after just a few days of talking to her, I’m just not really into her. I’m not really turned on by her. And I just let it fizzle out. It never had gotten serious. We’ve just been chatting a little bit and that’s it.
Women will do the same thing. And women are actually much more likely to do this, because they have so many guys hitting on them. So if… 10… I said earlier in the video that they have 10 guys messaging them. They can have a lot more than 10 guys. They could literally have 50 guys lined up. And that’s just the reality if you go on Tinder. If you know a hot woman and you ask “Show me your Tinder,” you’re going to be surprised how many matches they have. How many matches they didn’t respond to. Or how many guys they ghosted and flaked on. And so yeah, women might flake simply because they have too many options and you don’t intrigue them enough.
And in that case, dude, it is kind of a blessing in disguise. It is a good thing that you saw that she’s not into you and you can meet another woman. Now, if she comes back in the future, and she actually makes something happen, yeah, then you can try this out again, but she needs to have enthusiasm, but me, typically most of the time, If I see flaking once, at this point, at my age, I’m just not doing it anymore. I’m 32 now and I’ve seen my fair share of flakes in the past. And in the past, I would try to make it work and I would try to figure something out. Like pulling back, waiting for her to come back because you’re pulling back. And yeah, sometimes that works, but ultimately if a woman is not interested, then you gotta mirror that back. And you’d be like… Well, actually not just mirror it back! You gotta respect yourself!
If she doesn’t like you enough to spend time with you, if a woman isn’t dying to be with you, if she doesn’t drop anything the moment that she gets the chance to spend with you… Then dude, why would you want to be with a woman like that? You want to be with woman who is just amazing. That woman that I mentioned earlier that I matched with who is now, unfortunately, flying back to the US… Damn! She is sending me lots of naughty shit and pics as well. So good stuff. And yeah, I know that if she wouldn’t have flown out now, we would probably have sex one, two, three times every day. Probably for multiple days. We get along quite well. She’s kind of funny.
And this is the kind of woman that you wanna be with. A woman who wouldn’t flake on you. A woman who is not lackluster. A woman who is not shy. And who is willing to show you how much she likes you. And that woman, in my case, she’s showing me. And that’s something that you want. That’s the kind of woman that you should want to date. And if you can’t get that from the kind of woman that you’re dating with, or that you’re talking to, then just drop her. And think like a woman. You have 10 options. 20 options. Match with some women, chat them, and I know a lot of them won’t work out, but it’s better to talk to those two women who are really freaking into you, than talking to 10 women… 5… This is 5… But 10 women who are not into you, right?
I would rather talk to two women who are absolutely crazy about me, who will have crazy sex with me, who want to talk with me, who want to spend time with me, who are waiting for me to see them rather than talking to 10, 20, 30, women who have close to no interest and I gotta chase them. And it feels like work. It feels like it’s not fun. It feels like a duty to fulfill, basically. That’s not how it should be. It should feel like… Definitely not a duty. It should feel like fun. Entertaining. Exciting. And if it doesn’t feel entertaining and exciting to you, then it’s not the right woman for you. So if she flakes on you, you know what? Fine! Next one! And find a woman who is just really hot for you.
I heard a story from a friend recently about this woman who just came to his place and she went to the bathroom and she took off all her clothes and he fucked her in the shower. That is the kind of woman that you want to be with. A woman who will just be crazy for you. Okay, so that is my advice for you. I don’t think you did anything wrong here. It doesn’t sound like it to me. Just bad luck, dude. I think you set up the date quite nicely and she just wasn’t too much into you. And sometimes you can’t do anything about that. And don’t sweat it. And don’t think that there’s something wrong with you. Don’t think that you are at fault.
Sometimes it’s 50/50. Flip a coin. Either it’s gonna work out. Heads, it’s gonna work out. Tails, it’s not gonna work out. And dude, it’s like 50/50. Ultimately, of course, you want to be with a woman who’s really into you. But you gotta also accept the risk that if she’s really hot, then her attraction might just lower over time, unless you just seduce her really fast. So don’t worry so much, dude. Just date the next woman. If she comes back, then set up another date and then if she flakes one more time, never again! Alright, so that’s my advice for you. Let me know in the comments what you think. Give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and never forget to unleash the king within.