Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In today’s video, we’re gonna talk about the realization that push and pull is just a thing it happens with women. If you date a woman, you’re going to get push and pull. And because of that, it’s so important to recognize that you gotta also date multiple women. You always should date more than one woman, especially when you’re just getting to know a woman. Keep on Bumbling. Keep on Tindering. Keep on hitting on women in the grocery store. That’s really important because you never know if it’s going to work out with a woman.
And so when you don’t have multiple women, you become really insecure because women have so many options. So they push and pull all the time. One moment they gravitate to this guy, then they gravitate towards you, then they gravitate to this guy, and it goes around until they make up their mind. So you gotta be okay with that and of course, if you date multiple women, then it’s a lot easier for you to do that. All right, so I got a situation from a guy who’s going through push and pull and he’s basically in the process of learning dating, I guess you could say. So let’s see what is my advice for him.
Push And Pull Dating Mentality: Women Will Always Leave You And Come Back Later
Hello coach, I’m here for some advice on women and attraction. I’ve been subscribed to your channel for some time and I understand that it’s best to take it easy and not chase a girl too much, but it’s mentally really challenging to follow that advice. It’s really easier said than done lol.
Yeah, it’s really hard, actually, this is why I always advocate focusing more on yourself. You are a king, so develop yourself into a strong masculine man. Develop your skills, your interests, your passions, your hobbies, your career, your religion. My last video was about a guy who’s very religious. That could also be spirituality, of course. You could also focus on your community drive. These kind of things, because when you then are focused on these things, then the women are just the icing on the cake. If it works out with a woman, that’s awesome. If it doesn’t work out with her, then either it works out with another woman, or even better, you you’re busy with your own life and you don’t give a shit. If she just runs away. Whatever!
You’re probably busy currently climbing the career ladder or working on some project. Or you’re busy maybe working on your first music live performance gig or something like that. And the woman that you date should be amazed by this and then compliment that. She should inspire you. And she should compliment you and say “Wow, it’s really cool what you’re doing. I love this about you,” and so that’s why you always got to focus first of all on yourself. Then you date multiple women, and then you don’t have a problem with this. Well, it’s still… Now, I’m not gonna lie. It’s still gonna sometimes hurt like a bitch. It’s still gonna be hard at times. But the more that you ground yourself in your own personality, the less you focus on someone else’s personality.
Alpha Male Behavior: When A Woman Pulls Away From You It’s An Opportunity To Increase Her Attraction
I noticed a pattern in both, women, as well as myself, that that causes a lot of problems. I have started to notice that there are very few women who don’t fluctuate in their interest level. At least for me, it’s very rare that a girl is just 100% into me right away and that it sustains that same interest level. I guess I’m starting to accept the fact that I should expect not every girl is into me or has moments where she’s not attracted to me, but the problem is really to keep the emotional self-control when that happens. It’s not always easy to not push when she’s pulling. It’s almost like an invisible string that wants to draw you closer. It’s very counterintuitive to not give a shit when a girl shows you that she’s not too attracted to you.
Well, so two things that I want to mention here. First of all, if no girl is ever 100% into you and she’s going crazy for you, then you’re probably doing something wrong. There should at least be the occasional girl who just goes absolutely crazy for you and she will do whatever it takes to be with you. If you never have that, then you’re talking to the wrong women. Women who are just not into the same things that you’re into. So that goes back into developing yourself into a king and focusing on your strengths, because a woman who knows exactly what she wants, she’s going to see your strengths and she’s going to be like “Wow, this guy is amazing! I want him!” and she’s going to message you all the time. She’s going to be a 100% into you. And if you’re not developed enough yet, then she sees you, and maybe she doesn’t know what you’re about, and she basically is like… She’s gonna message you every now and then, and then exactly this happens what you just said, that it fluctuates. The interest level fluctuates.
Now, it happens with most of them that there’s gonna be some fluctuation, but as I said: The more that you’re grounded, the more that you know exactly who you are, and the more that a woman can see that, the less likely she is to fluctuate. Now, the other thing that I want to mention is basically you said already that it’s like it’s a string that’s pulling you closer. Why is it a string that’s pulling you closer? Because she’s like your only tether. She’s like the only woman who has you, who has a grip on you. And so when she pulls, of course, you wanna push. And why is that? Because you feel that if you don’t push, right… Actually, let’s have this metaphor. There’s a string between you. It’s like this bond, right? And when she pulls away, at some point that bond is going to break. It’s like a rubber band. But rubber bands also come back after a while.
The problem is because you only have that one bond with that one woman, you’re so afraid that it’s going to break and she will never come back. But if you would have multiple bonds, multiple rubber bands with three women, for example, and then the one here, she pulls away and it’s almost about to break, then you don’t care because you still have two rubber bands that are much closer to you. You have two women who are much closer to you and when that is the case, you don’t give a shit or you give less of a fuck, and let’s just be real: If you have a woman who is ready to have sex with you, date you, be with you, and is ready to go out with you on the weekends, then you don’t care if there’s another woman who just doesn’t value you. It’s basically a scarcity mindset.
So for example, let me give you a simple example. My laptop kind of broke a week ago, or two weeks ago. I have a Dell laptop. It’s a very expensive laptop, and unfortunately, nobody has these laptops in Asia, Southeast Asia. They’re just not popular. They’re too expensive. People only have the Macbooks here in Southeast Asia. So my laptop broke and it’s kind of working right now, but I think it’s probably gonna die in the next two to three months, so I’m waiting for the new Macbooks to be available. And so when my laptop broke, holy shit! I was freaking out! I thought I am so fucked! All my data! I can’t get it fixed because they told me they don’t have the parts here and all that stuff. I was really freaking out! Obviously, if I would just have a spare laptop right now, then I wouldn’t give a fuck. I would just transfer the SSD into my other laptop and I’d be fine. So scarcity always makes you insecure. This is why you need to have more women in your life, until you actually commit to a woman, and when we can see this.
How To Not Chase But Attract: Don’t Chase Her When She Pulls Away — Become Antifragile Or Die
I’m going to be honest with you. I am not the most secure guy on the planet. I still struggle with many insecurities about myself. I’m still quite young. I’m 24 and I have a lot of worries. I don’t think I’m in the shape that I’d like to be in. Work is stressing me out and generally, I just haven’t reached my goals. So that’s the reason why I also overthink when I date someone. And then she pulls away most of the time, I manage to not send any weak or needy messages but sometimes I just can’t help it and send a message even though I know better. I know I shouldn’t chase her but I can’t help myself.
Maybe you have a suggestion how to deal with this problem. Emotional self-control seems like an impossibility at times. It makes me wonder if it’s even something I should consider as feasible, or should I just accept that I’ll mess up sometimes? Of course, in a perfect world, I wouldn’t ever want to chase a girl and just let her go when she is pulling away, but it’s mentally tormenting, especially when the girl is really nice. If you have any secrets to keep from pushing when a girl pulls, please let me know.
The problem is when you are already insecure because you are scarce with women, if you then also have problems in your life, it’ll backfire. I think I already gave most of the important advice but I can tell the big problem that you have is really that you are not grounded enough yet. So you said that you have a lot of worries, right? So you are not in the shape that you’d like to be in. Work is really stressing you out. And you just feel like you haven’t reached your ideal self. Now, that in itself is kind of a problem because you will never reach your ideal self. And you probably haven’t realized this yet while you’re 24, but at some point, as you get older, you kind of stop giving a shit so much. You will never become the perfect person. There’s always room to grow. There’s always something new that you want to achieve. And if you just keep on striving and struggling for something new to achieve where you tell yourself now I’m good enough, then you will never get there. That’s just the reality. With that said, though, if you feel like right now. You’re just not, let’s say, you’re a little bit overweight, let’s say work is just too stressful, your job really sucks, maybe you’re struggling multiple jobs that are not paying well, or something like that…
Then you shouldn’t be dating! You should be focused on yourself. Because obviously, if you haven’t fixed your foundation, then how can any woman ever feel stable on that foundation, if you don’t feel stable yourself? It’s common sense. So honestly, if you are not feeling stable and you would, for example, follow my advice of date multiple women, it will just actually stress you out because you get even less time for yourself. Maybe you’re not getting paid enough with your job or something like that and now you have to make time for two or three women. That only works if you have your shit together.
Because if you have to meet up two times a week with a woman if your life is not in order, this is going to be really stressful. It’s just going to add more stress on top of it. And of course, that doesn’t make sense, because you would want a woman who you date to obviously basically undo your stress. So maybe you’re just not right for dating right now. Maybe you’re not ready for it. Maybe you have to wait a little bit more and focus on how can you improve these things. Now I’m not saying you shouldn’t be dating, but I guess with your situation you should probably only date casually, seriously date at least, maximum, max… Sorry, not at least. You should at the maximum only date two girls, but at least, you should always have one option available. But you also just gotta be focused a lot more on yourself. Because right now it’s kind of obvious that you’re still struggling.
So that’s my advice to you. There’s always going to be push and pull. It’s natural, but of course, if you reduce the scarcity, if you feel secure, if you don’t feel like that when that one woman slips away, everything is slipping away, your world is slipping away, your world is falling apart… Obviously, if you’re in that mindset, it’s never gonna work out. But if the woman slips away and you still have your good job, for example, your good career, or your fitness that you’re happy with, and working out is making you happy, all of that stuff… If you still have that and she steps away, obviously, it doesn’t impact you so much. And likewise, if she slips away and you still have another woman potentially to date again, you’re not gonna be so worried. So that’s my advice to you. Let me know in the comments what you think. Give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and never forget to unleash the king within.
